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Silence can never be misquoted. — B. D. Schiers

“Whenever you are not, you are full of energy; whenever you are, energy disappears. God can exist only in your absence; you cannot coexist with God. But you are still there in a subtle way” -Osho

“All you really want to do is make something that stands the test of time. That’s all that matters. I like Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill and Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder. That’s everyday music. That’s music that people just put on and they’re like, ‘Man, this song makes me feel good. This song, it helps me get through the day.’ You listen to ‘What’s Going On’ — I get a very intense feeling whenever I hear [Gaye] singing. Who’s willing to save a world that is destined to die? That’s such a real, honest thing. It’s like, why even raise children? Why raise a puppy? Why put so much care in something where you know destruction is part of the process?” -Childish Gambino (Esquire’s March 2018 Interview)

Any time I would watch a scene from a movie in which a man would either snitch, or, turn his back on his team in a cowardly way in order to save his own ass it would make me feel, weird. Very, very weird. It was a strange feeling I had even as a kid when my brain couldn’t really wrap my head around the concept of honor, loyalty, trust, and keeping your word as a man.

Certain principles I would learn to understand and apply to my life as I got older struck a cord in me even before I knew how to express them through words when someone would go against that. Its in the same vein when you see a man sell out for pussy or person at work kissing ass just to make his way up the ladder just so he or she can climb faster up the top of the…..what, exactly?

Everybody has to eat. Everybody has to survive. Everybody has someone to take care of even if its only themselves that they are doing it for. We all have to find something to eat in 24 hours. We all need our water. We all need a place to rest our head and hopefully wake up another day to go back into battle mode. Everyone is living on a pale blue dot full of rules while floating in the middle of nowhere in a infinite universe which means, all bets are really off when you think about it. We all have a chance to go out here and grab what we feel is rightfully ours. Hell, even if it isn’t, we still have the choice to take and accept the consequences that come with it later. All of this is reasonable. All of this makes sense. All of this is true. But, at what price of the character is lost if we just only chase are nature’s impulses? 

This question struck a nerve in me as I started to play devil’s advocate with the question. Yes, cheating is wrong on when it comes to both genders but, what exactly is wrong about what they were doing at the time? What exactly is wrong if you do sell out for a little bit of money if survival is the main goal of life? What exactly is so shocking about watching or hearing about real life murders yet find no issue when tuning in to the Discovery channel to watch animals kill each other left and right? These questions and a few more lead me down a rabbit hole which also had me thinking about the concepts of freedom, awareness, the point of life, and, the idea of control. In this blog post today, my goal is one of seeking a answer as I always try to do with each entry on fakePHILOSOPHY. However, I will not lie. This time, I may not have one available by the end of this. Which, may not be such a bad thing.  


break-roomIt had been the last day of November since I had wrote something out for this blog. This of course was during the holiday season in which friends and family were spending time with each other as they enjoyed good food, reminiscing on old times, not having to worry about a soul crushing job for a few days, embracing new partnerships and members into the family, and more. It was a time of less thought about the future, and more time spending on just enjoying the immediate now that was. 

In my case, I did the exact same thing but was more lazy also as well. I really just sort of checked out from this blog and enjoyed more of the things that were around me. Whether it was family or the few friends I had, chilling just watching random things on TV, reading more, relaxing more, and, to be even more honest a bit of smoking too, to calm the nerves I tend to have at times when my mind jumps 18 years ahead of its current one. Point being, “I positively didn’t didn’t give a…..” well, you I’m sure know the rest.

Through these two months of no blogging, every conversation I had with others became more natural and light hearted. I wasn’t in a rush to try and get some point across or be “above” everything. Beyond that, I was in no rush to try and figure anything out. I had no goal to try and accomplish. I had no hook to think about for this blog to sale to you my few readers. I was in no rush to get anywhere pass this moment right here. I, in simple terms was, dare I say, free to some extent. So free that, I got offered more chains to bind me two great new positions to me at both of my jobs in the same month. Things were and still are looking good. Probably the best its been in years. Then, I got back into blogging mode.


the matrix cypher

All of a sudden, my twitter feed went from a source of entertainment to now a digital book I had to study and research constantly. Granted, my goal with this blog was to never to put extreme focus about anything that was current. Years past could then make the blog feel stale and outdated. Times will change in 10 years and I don’t think what’s current now will be as important in the future. However, I still do use what its current as a helpful boost to get my writing flow going. This time though, something was different. I had basically went on vacation and came back to work forgetting not exactly how to do the job but, wondering why I should care about it at all.

The “Metoo Movement”, “The Black Panther” movie review controversy, Donald Trump’s antics, Comedian Monique’s troubles with Netflix, Race issues, Transgender issues, Men vs women, and so on and so on. I would just sit back and watch these things take place not only online but in real life and felt forced to have to care and comment about it. It was like being two people at once. One having the conversation while my other self stayed in the background wondering why anybody gives a damn about this. My sense of freedom I had before was gone as I now had to get back to my “job” of writing, and, get back to being a “Normal” person in society to speak on current issues. That is, until I tried to have my Cypher moment and force myself back into a state of ignorance again

No thought. I wanted to go back to these last two months of less thinking. I wanted things to be genuine again. I didn’t want to have to explain concepts or live by old methods of thinking. I didn’t want to be so focused away from this moment that I end up missing to smell the flowers. Of course, its not like this blog is my source of income which means I have to invest so much time into its importance. But, when I got back into blogging mode and noticed how it interrupted my flow of things of just in life in general, I seen it did have a effect. A effect I wanted to escape from. The thing is though, while I wanted to avoid current issues and get back to a state of no mind to quote Alan Watts, I didn’t see that all I was doing was stepping away from one trap and entering into a whole new (But still the same) trap than the previous one I had left before. My journey of improvement just simply lead me down a path of failure in my several attempts. Several attempts that had in fact help me reach a realization I wished I had never discovered. 



I had thought I found my sense of freedom again through the ironic means of restriction. Limitations would be the key to help drive this car through this path. I had created a quote or, more so a mantra off it: “The creation of discipline will always have accomplishment as its end result through the means of restriction which gives birth to true freedom“.

I would rest at certain hours. I would consume only a certain amount of the internet. Read at least two chapters of a book. Watch my eating. Watch the words I use. Not engage with arguing with women. Study more on my red pill views through my favorite blogs for a hour or two a day. less cellphone, more water, and a bunch of other things here and there. Things seemed to be going good. I had thought I found a loophole in the Matrix so to speak….Then something kept happening.

For you see, I kept being tested so to speak. I kept dealing with moments in which my discipline was put up to the test and challenged. I tried not to argue with women but then was caught off guard and engage. I tried to rest more hours until my job needed help. I tried to read more chapters of a book until a headache would arise. I tried to use my cellphone less and less until emergencies kept occuring. Over and over again things kept pushing my patience pass its breaking point.

It kept making me have to deal with THIS moment and adjust according. It made me be aware of the wind as I tried to build a house of cards. This of course did not stop me from continuing and breaking down so easily to revert back to old ways. However, it did in fact help raise a interesting question which has lead to this most recent blog post to be created today. Which is: “What is so wrong about not always doing what is right in a decaying body that lives on a  decaying earth?”


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What if Dave Chappelle had decided to put on that dress for the movie “Blue Streak”. What if Martin Luther King one day had no choice but to be violent in order to save his family? What if Malcolm X had found love in a white woman? What if the great Patrice O’neal had compromised his views and had enough money to save himself at the hospital that day before his untimely passing? What if a Atheist had no choice but to pray to God in order to save himself or his family? You see, the examples are endless but my main is simply asking: How far do we take our beliefs in the face of immediate danger? I of course am simply playing Devil’s advocate because I stand firm in what I believe in and won’t compromise but, how long can I say that if or when I am in a certain situation that calls for me to go against that? Not just me but, all of us?

In terms of Hip hop, the streaming game (Tidal, Spotify, Apple music, YouTube, Pandora, etc) has officially taken over the music business and that has left artists now forced to do certain songs in order to get as many streams as possible. Collaborations we would never see otherwise, artists making 30 or 40 track albums, group projects, songs blatantly geared towards radio, death of albums in favor for a collection of songs, etc. Now, the point of music at the end of the day is just to dance and make yourself feel good so, if more artists create that kind of “art” what really is the issue? Fair point. But, what about songs like “Slipping”,“4:44”, “Cleaning out my closet”, etc. Songs with meaning that don’t cater towards radio and more so true artistic vision and integrity. What if songs like this die out? Does it matter if music sounds good and make the public dance?

The only saving grace I see as to why beliefs would be tested is for one instance and one instance only: Family, and survival. As I mentioned above with Patrice and Martin, the only way I can see in which your beliefs would have to be place to the side is if your life or your family’s life was in danger. Whether physical or, in Terry Crews case, financialTo go back to Hip Hop, Eminem’s music in the 2nd half of his career (2010-now) has been more POP geared despite the hatred of it in the beginning of it. His change came about due to a prescription pill addiction and lost of his best friend/rapper Proof which has caused the change in not only his outlook but music as well that lead to his environment changing.

Should Em have said “Fuck it” and kept going with the drugs because it made his music better? Forget his health just entertain. Right? Survival is the only reason I can see for our beliefs to put on pause. Its a tough case to debate against when your child has yet to live his life. What if what you needed to do required your beliefs to be tossed away so his or her life can continue? Great philosophical question of course but, as I look back as to how I started this blog post off I realized that during my whole mini vacation from blogging that I never had to think this deeply about life. In fact, it never went pass the moment I was experiencing. Am I or, are we doing more damage by trying to fix something that was never broke to begin with?


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There was this question I thought of when it came to freedom. It was: “Do we really want to be freedom, when our need for improvement is the end result of our failures that leads to better chances of our survival?” What happens if Steve Jobs gave up? What if Eve never ate from the Tree of Knowledge and as a result Jesus would of never been born? What if the first inventor of a car gave up and stopped trying? What if Harriet Tubman failed once and never tried to free herself or others again? All great points and I am sure I’ll be here all day if I were to keep going but, my point is our mistakes are what keep us alive due to us having no choice but to make things stronger and better for the future to live more comfortable. I understand all of this and more but, if I am being honest when I am just living my life and not overthinking it, I am not concern about this at all

You see, during my blog break, I was not in a rush to make changes to the world to make it a better place, I was not in a rush to force my views on people. I didn’t care about what was right or wrong and instead focused on what was right now. As a result, my mind was able to not be clear but, to really just…be. The problems arise when I tried to improve on what wasn’t asking to be improved. Soon as I got back into blogging mode was when the problems came crawling back. I tried to add more layers to a already perfectly crafted cake and now made it have too much frosty because I felt it could get better. Our mistakes lead us to become better as a civilization but at what cost of nature is lost if we keep trying to fix something in a infinite universe? Think about that. Should we stay on Earth (Tradition) or keep looking up and travel (Break tradition) despite the fact that there is no ending in sight at all?

See, this of course all boils down to one word and that word is: Awareness. I am a aware of what the problem was that I faced. I know what was wrong and am able to write about it now and explain myself to the best of my ability to you my few readers. I can address the problem and now see where I went wrong at and why certain things need to change. However, despite all of this knowledge no matter how aware I am of what the problem is, I still can not fix it when it comes to true freedom of the mind. I still can’t fix it by not doing anything at all. We can’t be in control and experience freedom at the same time. Its not possible from a philosophical perspective.

The best or worst moments in our lives more than likely was not something we planned. Our favorite pieces of music or food was not something we knew a few years prior. These things end up finding us. Our favorite movies become our favorites not by our choice but because it spoke to us when we didn’t even know what we wanted. You don’t know when you are going to find a guy or girl that leaves a mark on your life forever that you would never forget. Great jokes that really make us laugh don’t need to be explained. Once they are, it ruins the magic of the moment. Beyond good or bad,  teaching moments that catch us off guard and forced us to deal with the moment right now as it is. None of this is possible while still being in control. Its a mindfuck to a certain extent. One that as i said in the beginning of this post would more than likely leave me ending this with no answer at all. In fact, I have just more questions instead of a answer to give you. 

From a universal perspective, how can we ever be free as a world without using action or language to guide us? If you’re reading this and trying to think of a answer to that question you have greatly missed the point here today. And, by me even saying that, I too have missed the point today of this post as well. Until next time world. Thank you for your time. 



Categories: Personal, Video, Zen

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