(Don’t worry. Video will stop at the 8:46 mark)
Your husband was drug dealer
For 14 years he sold crack cocaine
[Verse 2 – Jay Z:]
Federico Fellini in the flesh
Sergio Tacchini inside his mesh
Bitch I been brackin’ since the ’80s
Google me baby, you crazy
’89 in London pull the Benz up
Type it in, Google’s your friend bruh
14-year drug dealer and still counting
Who deserves the medal of freedom is my accountant
He been hula hooping through loop holes, working around shit
IRS should’ve had the townhouses surrounded
Thanks to the lawyers
I marbled the foyer
I tore the floor up
Yeah, that’s for Koi fish
We been dining on oysters
I walk though the garage it’s like multiple choices
I told ’em pull the Royce up
I’m getting ghost, I’m hearing noises
I think it’s the boys, but I been banking at Deutsche
We got storefronts, we got employee stubs
We been opening studios and 40/40s up
The paper trail is gorgeous
Cases we buries ’em
Before Reasonable Doubt dropped, the jury hung
Every time I come around your city bling bling
My tenure took me through Virginia
Ask Teddy Riley ’bout me
Ask the Federalis ’bout me
Tried to build a cell around me
Snatched my nigga Emory up
Tried to get him to tell about me
He told 12, “Gimme 12”
He told them to go to hell about me
Drug dealers anonymous
Y’all think Uber’s the future, our cars been autonomous
Mules move the drums, take ’em to different spots
We just call the shots by simply moving our thumbs
I’m a course of miracles with this shit
Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists
Therein lies the piece of God
I always knew I was a prophet, but I couldn’t find a decent job
Life made me ambidextrous
Countin’ with my right, whipping’ white with my left wrist
FBI keep bringing them all white vans through
-Jay Z (Drug Dealer Anonymous)
Casey Anthony will be remembered before me. A possible baby killer.
In 100 years it will seem like as if I was never here while her story will be repeated for years to come. That is, interesting to me. Not so much, “Crazy” but, interesting. Now granted, she got off and we still have no idea what happened to her kid but, for conversation and conspiracy purposes, lets say she played “Kicked the baby” with her daughter.
Her story will be stretched, observed, studied, and even maybe reloaded for years to proceed while me, and many, many others will be forgotten once our family and friends join the grave with us. Life, will go on and my ashes will be reused in the earth if I can’t afford to be buried with a headstone. Even if I did though, who would come to visit? The best thing I could hope for is a kinky ass “Into death” couple comes along and fucks next to or even on top of my headstone.
That is, of course, if I do something great. If I do something great and “Out of this world” like, my name and accomplishments will be remembered and studied for years to come. I may inspire some people in the future to push forward and help keep the world moving towards……….. I don’t know, somewhere. A path not reached. I guess.
If I do something immaculate, my name will be solidify. My name will become not just a name anymore but, a idea. My name will be used in conversations when people discuss their favorite movies, TV shows, books, sports moments, etc.
My name, will not be just in passing around friends and family. My name, will have some weight to it Yes, not all will like it but if a fan base is created, it won’t matter how many people disliked my work and think its not as “Top 5” as someone else. My name will be on the conversation and that’s all I care about
Now, apologies for messing up the flow of this post but, let me backtrack a bit: I wrote those top paragraphs a while back. Last month to be exact around the first week before taking a long extended break as I went to write this post for you readers instead. I recently just came back to it writing wise but for the longest time I have had this unfinished post in my mind bubbling since then. Hell, the first line “Casey Anthony will be remembered before me” has been in my head since last year early 2016. As a result when thinking about that, it has caused me to separate myself from being in the moment amongst other things every single time throughout the day. As a result also because of that, it lead me down the rabbit hole of creativity that lead me into finally having a skeleton build to finish this post I present to you today.
You see, there is this element in my blog posts that I never really delved into before. Its a element that yes I may have spoke about to an extent here, here, here too, and also here as well, but, I never really mentioned it by name. It always played the background despite the fact that most of my influences such as Zen and Alan Watts have spoken about countless times over and over again. Its, what we always deal with no matter how hard we numb ourselves into not addressing it. Its, always there. That there that I am speaking on has been with me, you, and everyone around you since the beginning of their entry into the world. That “there” that I am speaking on is: Existence.
Existence. This, concept has been floating around in my head for weeks now. This, concept. The idea. The thoughts. The word itself. All of it. It was like a splinter in my head to quote “The Matrix” movie. I looked around and tried to come up with a theory of my own about it. Something original and different. I had deep thoughts about an already deep thought on top of dealing with the “Casey Anthony will be remembered before me” sentence. I had all of this clutter inside my head until just two days ago it finally hit me. Hell, last month really with my “Game, Truth, and Animal Farm” post: My problem in trying to figure it out was the fact that, there was “No problem” to figure out to begin with.
Meaning, look, I had came up with this quick theory last year awhile back called “The Glass Jar Example“. (Which when editing this I found out Alan Watts spoke on something similar here. Spooky.) Simply put, imagine if there is a group of people around and I had a glass jar with me an I asked them: “Here, in as many words as can, describe this empty jar for me”. I would go around and hear everybody out until it came back to me. Once it was my turn I would grab the jar, look at it, then, without any words just raise it over my head and smash the jar on the ground as hard as I could. Now, they may ask after looking at me crazy; “Whats the point in doing that” to which I would then reply next with: “Why must there be one at all?”
My Glass Jar Example at its core is about……nothing. For you see, the actual problem with this experiment is in the people wasting their time in trying to describe something that is not there to begin with. Me, I took an original, and undefined option, and just smashed the glass to pieces. No words. No thoughts. No concepts. No threads. No, anything. I cut through all of their memorized words and got straight to the point of “No point”. We as a people describe the empty glass jar when it comes to life everyday and only smash it when it comes to our natural animal like impulses imploding. Our real selves with no need for “A Parody of Nature”.
“When the moon rises, the water does not wait to receive its image. And when even the tiniest drop of water is poured out, the moon does not wait to cast its reflection.” ~Alan Watts
This is why the “Casey Anthony will be remembered before me” struck a nerve in me so bad. It never occurred to me that, that thought is already in existence. Not in reality though yes it is but, me, myself made that thought become a reality. I brought it up into existence. There is no escape from it. Its like when people say “Superheroes aren’t real” and yet, we go to the movies to see them everyday. We say “Vampires aren’t real” and yet there are movies, stories, and costumes centered around them. My problem as is all of our problem as I have said before is that there is none. The second we start separating ourselves in thought from THIS moment and onwards is the moment we do ourselves a disservice about the nature of “Just is”.
When we get mad, we are told to immediately stop. When we get jealous, we are told immediately to drop it. When we feel too prideful, we are told to immediately stop and THINK higher. We since birth have been trained to think outside of time and to ignore how we truly feel in that time frame. You see this everywhere. Even in movies when a dramatic scene occurs and the music switches while the character gets deep in thought.
How crazy it is to (ironically) think that the more knowledge we absorb the more problems for us arise. The goal of achievement propels us onward but in reality leads us nowhere but in circles. Remove goals and both perfection and nothingness blends into one. Most if not all would see this as a problem because as I have been saying there no longer will be a“Problem”. We would then have to deal with our most avoided subject matter in human history which is: Emptiness
“Who are we” would turn into silence but then again not silence. “What is our purpose” would become meaningless but then again not meaningless. The word “Meaningless” would be eradicated due to there now being no meaning for its competition but……you get the point. Existence has plagued my mind for these past few weeks because I was trying to pin it down into a few sentences. I was trying to separate it as its own unique thing. I wanted to to be different from the tree, grass, dirt, sun, moon, air, etc. I wanted it, as we do with Religion, Politics, Society, Music, Entertainment, Family, etc to have a higher meaning but, it doesn’t. Its all connected. Every last bit down to the dirt in our fingernails blends it all together.
This is why I chose the lyrics from the Jay Z featured song “Drug Dealers Anonymous” . Before his verse started, Tomi Lauren, a outspoken American conservative political commentator who commented on Beyonce’s “controversial” Superbowl performance in 2016 claiming it was “Racist” and saying the dance number was inspired by the Black Panther movement, who, she claimed was “JUST” a violent terrorist group during the Civil Rights era. She threw Jay Z under the bus citing he was a drug dealer. Or, more so, JUST a drug dealer and that’s it as if he accomplished nothing afterwards and changed his life around.
Had Jay Z just allowed that mindset to sink into his brain and seen himself as just a low life drug dealer in their eyes who should forever be branded with that label for the rest of his life, he never would of gone on to become one of (If not the according to some) Best Rapper of time. Hell, not just rap but more importantly one of the greatest artists of all time. All of this would of been for not had he allowed the perception of him, a black man in America dominated by white society, to control his thoughts and actions as white people of the past have done before. He skyrocketed past that and simply moved on with his life. Its all movement based on survival and he did what was needed to do.
What Tomi Lauren tried to do to Jay Z and Beyonce as well we do this to ourselves everyday. Its like the bad kids in school vs the “good” ones. The bad kids when provoked or simply “Just because” do things for the hell of it don’t hesitate and just do. The good kids however stop and think before reacting. “Is this the right thing to do?”. “Should I say something”. “Why is this happening?”. “That’s not fair”. Etc. We, as the good kids do, become stuck in a bondage of our own and societal doing. How can we have critics in movies who yes are professional and see things with a different view affect what we may or may not find as entertaining? How many movies have you avoided based on what someone’s view on it was. You don’t matter?
Hesitation. Expectations. Anxiety. All of these things cause pause and make us comment on a moment that is already happening while STILL in the moment. Its like “Time Traveling Thinking”. We think about the past in the future while still being in the present all in one motion. Are the bad kids REALLY bad? Granted, their future will be different than the good kids but what does that mean? The good kids are well better trained for a society who at the very top its only concern is to keep the money and civilization caged in its power structure? Maybe the quote un quote bad kids are JUST living. Can you blame Adam and Eve if they had no knowledge that what they were doing was….wrong? Why wrong as opposed to right? Says who?
So, I guess the only way to really end this post is to say: “Why not”?
Meaning, what do the questions “What are you looking for?” “What is it your trying to find?” and “What permanence exists?” mean in this moment right now? The people who wrote the books we drool over philosophical wise in this present time back then were just young adults and adults like us that were just…living. Yes, they came up with great theories about life that we will forever use and debate over forever as long as the world remains in rotation but, life moved on. Zen teaches me about staying focused in random time. We can’t erase the great works of Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, Nietzsche, etc but, as I just said above, life moves and moved on while at the same time didn’t. Its all connected. Nothing above or below.
Things happened. Events happened. Moments happened. Moments in which you yourself is experiencing that can’t be found in a book. Its like my unpopular theory on “Materialistic Rap” vs “Conscience rap”. Conscience rap is great no doubt but at its core it works only as a “Idea in progress”. Materialistic/Mainstream rap is speaking about NOW. Whats is occurring now in the world at its current state. Both are needed and can maintain space together but what do you want to focus on as a person living their life? Living your truth? Your life, or a idea from a dead person that’s never coming back?
So, again, why not? Why not if you are a atheist attend a Bible study class? Why not if you are in a relationship to go cheat. Hell, if you are used to being with multiple women why not try one. Or, if you are known to be a good girl why not go through a “Hoe Phase” . Or instead of being a hoe why not try to become a wife. Try some drugs. Try to go sober. Lose some weight. Or binge a bit and eat unhealthy. Watch a movie you wouldn’t normally watch. Listen to different music. Do something out of your comfort zone. Just, be. We humans are not one size fits all one diemenoal like bad or light hearted TV characters. Sometimes a nice guy can be a dick and sometimes a dick and be nice. Same for a good girl and bitch. Existence as is bullets and death doesn’t discriminate. All targets are acceptable.
This is why I chose R&B artist The Weeknd as my “Featured image” with a gun to his face as he laughs. His music (Back then more so) represented the dark side of drugs, women, the party life, love, falling out of love, etc. I chose him because his music is how I see life when I have to catch myself from overthinking and to just relax an, enjoy the party. His music isn’t about finding answers or hope. Its more so about….just experiencing it. Falling into the nowness (Is this a word?) Its the opposite of this post I wrote a long time ago. Instead of fighting so hard against life like a swimmer fighting against the stream, why not just instead stop and, float with it? Awareness to relax is what we need more of. We can never stop emotions and thoughts but we can stop ourselves from not realizing we can not separate ourselves in this present time. Anyway, I have been here way too long and I know your Internet ADD is kicking in so, in closing, I’ll leave it with another Alan Watts video I found that speaks on staying grounded in the now.
Until next time. Thank you for your viewership