My mother just accused me of sniffing coke…
She had found a cut up straw in her trash can and connected that with my recent reloaded love of weed and all of its stinky glory and, to be honest with you I, kind of found this, cool in a weird way. I mean, how many conversations between anybody you know really start out like: “Hey, are you sniffing motherfucking coke?”. Especially when it comes to your mother. The same woman that for me, helped raised me and wiped my ass pass the normal age in which needing help to dig out the crusty brown mini Mr. Hankeys from my asshole went passed its limits. Too much info I know. Shit. No pun intended
Its, human in a way. Its human in a sense that, we have moved passed conversations about where Santa Clause comes from to now me making jokes about her still being married to my father despite not actually getting a legal divorce, and, her playing “Hide the stolen flashlight” late at night with two married man on separate occasions as if she was a drummer in love with practicing with her sticks just so she can get her bag on…….. Wow. Sexual jokes about my mother. I’m really pushing for click views now huh?
Brings me back to a time I remember I caught her and my father having late night naughty “Bang Bang Bang” sessions in the spare room of our old house many years ago. Because of that, it took me a minute to be able to watch any black porn as my mother’s doggystyle image from the past night would creep into my head as if I was a…. young and mentally disturb fan of the”Bates Motel” TV show and understood where Norman bates was coming from…. In real life. (I really shouldn’t post this now that I am reading this over)
Anyway this, new understanding about not just that but, people around me in general has expanded beyond my old young worldview that I used to have back in my grade school years. People man just, you know, want to get through their day. From the stars to the janitors of the world. Its a honest view on life which has lead me to examine my actions and thoughts with a more, mature sense so to speak. Meaning, when it comes to this blog I wont lie, I think I am really just in it for money.
Sure, being creative and trying to become “Enlighten” and help others is cool and all but, honestly, if I ever do become successful with this or any other venture, more than likely, the money you spend on me more than likely will be used towards Netflix, my weed habit, my family’s SUDDEN need of items, and, my love of big booty “apartments” for rent that know how to keep quiet. Unlike Charlie Sheen’s “apartments” who let their garage doors open up quick in hopes a Ferrari was about to pull inside.
I see Charitys on TV. I see kids that need my help. I see the world is bigger and needs more than just a few million to help out. I understand life is bigger than just me and what I love and obsess for. Life demands more actions of selflessness and less action of greedy needs from individuals. We need more group thought in a positive way which goes beyond looking at race and gender issues. There needs to be more, period………………… Now, it FELT good to write that but, deep down at my core, I am more than likely just saying that to cover my ass. No, I don’t wish kids go through pain of starving in life and forced to wear clothes that resemble Kanye West recent fashion no, hell no. BUT, if I am “Keeping it real” and risking the chance of it going wrong, majority of my actions and thoughts will be centered around my dick and its happiness.
Its fucked up I know but, see, me saying “Its fucked up” at its technical level, is me really just trying to still appear to be “Normal” so you wont hit the delete button on this blog as you tell me to go “Fuck myself and burn in hell”. Which, again, its a bit TOO honest to share with the world. Its a dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t situation.
I want your money and the fame just so I can rub it in other’s peoples faces that used to make fun of the stretch marks on my stomach that looked like I molest cats and still haven’t figured out a way to avoid the all the scratching. Yet, at the same time, I still want to keep my integrity and be able to walk down the street without being harassed for something I believe in. Put it this way, I am like a Donald Trump supporter if you will to paint a more visual picture of my thoughts.
I’m just, really, I guest, lost in a sense. Lost not like I am looking to find my way or anything but, lost, morally wise I feel like. Because, I went from a kid, to a teen, to a young adult, to now a mature adult and, this is the time I am suppose to start thinking different and look at people with more compassion. I do don’t get me wrong. Like I said up above in those last paragraphs I have developed and changed. I have grown in these past years but, also, deep down, I have also stayed the same.
In conversation for example, when people tell me their problems I am able to know what the right thing is to say, the right body movements to make, right tone to use, and right eye contact length that is timed perfectly and all that jazz but, while their talking in my mind I’m thinking: “God, wont this person just shut the fuck up and realize we all are living in FuckYourselfville and they are not the president of it”. And, I hope they feel the same way about me because, you know that feeling when someone is not paying attention to your words? Some would get mad but I find relief n seeing this. Its like, “Whew. Thank god. I am not the only piece of shit in the world. Thank. Fucking. GOD”
Man. Its liberating to admit this. In a sense that, I know I am more than likely never going to see anyone of you readers ever in life. Like, I can talk a bit more bluntly and not worry about having to face y’all the next day at work. In a way, I enjoy seeing blunt comments online. You really are only allowed to be completely honest in the comment sections these days as the PC police is trying to take over every space of true creativity and freedom of speech. Speaking of which, I remember seeing this one comment on a website in which another person had replied to a woman and said: “Your a dumb ass cunt that deserves to burn to death while cooking me breakfast wearing a apron with a picture of Joan of Arc on it”.
Now, in real life, someone is getting hurt. That guy or girl does not just get away with saying that and walk away without ANY repercussions happening to them. But, since its online its, kind of cool. I mean, the levels of connections that one joke made is, remarkable. To admit I understand a joke like that in real life is the equivalent of me saying: “Hey, maybe the KKK secretly just wanted to play Pinata with the Spanish but couldn’t so, they used us instead and killed two birds with one stone? No? Anybody? Not even a little chuckle?” That joke can, and also can not, only work online. Especially when it comes to my skin tone.
Basically, even though what I just wrote was clearly an expression in the form of a joke, I am not allowed to do that. Or, the fear of upsetting my race or any other race is what causes me not to do that. Even the video with the late great Patrice O’neal above this paragraph towards this end shows exactly what I mean. Meaning, its like this observation I heard a while back that was either from Chris Rock, Louie CK, or Christopher Titus about how black people when it comes to race were now being allowed to sit at the “table” of life and success. Meaning, when it comes to expression, I feel like the world is a playground and black people are now allowed to use more than just the Monkey bars (You had to see that coming) but, the fear of ending up like that dude in “12 Years a Slave” spiritually, mentally, and even physically wise still plagues older, and even younger black people. A sellout if you will. I can express myself in LIFE but, not TOO MUCH is the subtle message I see play out amongst ourselves. Its bad enough when even being one of the biggest POP stars in the world still can’t buy you a pass of expression. When we do it, we are making things much worse than they already are.
Its like white people at times are Michael Myers and Jason having a beer while sitting down as they watch the little teenagers kill each other instead. You know, making their job easier. I used to be called a “Oreo” for dressing and talking white but, if I dressed and acted as everybody else did by trying to be a rapper, I was seen as a follower. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t again. In another way, image being extremely late for work and you can’t afford it anymore but, the only thing blocking you is……. a short yellow school bus and, a mentally challenged person is having a, episode if you will . You WANT to beep the horn yet, you REALLY CAN’T. If Stevie Wonder were to bump into you while you held a lottery ticket that is worth up to a million dollars and he causes you to drop it in the sewer and lose it, do you cuss him out or…….. You get what I mean?
Look, Chuck D from Public Enemy and a lot of other black socially conscience people have now followed me on Twitter and, I noticed that since then, I kind of shifted my tweets a bit by limiting my color palette of expression to just a few colors. What I’m saying is, not because I am fearful of being seen as “Too black” because I care less but, more so, because I don’t want to lose them as followers? Its like, yeah, if I could just only eat the Oreos from my Oreo blizzard from Diary Queen I would, I truly would. But, I can’t help it that I like my vanilla. I enjoy my Radiohead and Aerosmith’s “I don’t want to miss a thing” just like I still enjoy getting “Jiggy with it” from time to time. We are more than just a few colors of expression. All of us from all races.
I shouldn’t really be saying that but, to not is limiting myself and my people to stay at arm’s length and not try and explore more. As with the playground analogy I spoke on. Its like there is a older kid screaming at us younger ones saying: “HEY! You better not go TOO far, and you better not think TOO much in life. We can go there, but we can’t go ALL the way there. So play on the playground BUT NOT TOO MUCH. Don’t let Kanye West gas you up. He may be breaking down barriers that we can’t see right now in this present time but, that doesn’t mean YOU do the same too”
I really didn’t want to make this a race thing. As you can see, I avoided in my blog somewhat. Not because I’m afraid to speak on these issues its just, I want to be able to explore this understanding of really being just, free. If I was a rapper and conscience Hip Hop was selling like it was in the 90’s, my blog at its core would be pro-black as can be. Yet, since that conscience Hip Hop couldn’t sale a boat these days, I have to find a new way to slip the medicine in the candy.
That, is NOT safe to admit. I almost didn’t want to because, again, I enjoy having followers and attention. Fucked up right? But, why is it fucked up to say how I really think and navigate through life? I, as well as you, will die some day. Why is it difficult to just BE? Just you know, BE when it comes our ONE life that we all have. You do know there is a HUGE chance none of us are ever coming back right? Why then not just from a race standpoint but, just a overall human standpoint do we all have to wear the same uniforms of thought that people from the past did?
Sometimes I think black people are the Spartans from that movie “300” and the white people are the many, many, many armies that came and attacked them in that film. I already know I would of been one of the Spartans to say: “Hey umm, we are running low on soldiers. Lets umm, think of a new way to go about this. Anybody?” We are like Black “Jackassess” trying to perform a stunt of us wearing just a helmet and running head first into a wickedly dangerous bee hive. We need a new plan to go about this in the same way some older white people don’t understand the words, themes, concepts, and ideas that go on in Hip Hop culture. In a way its like this, if you have a white girlfriend and your black, what the hell, fuck her raw without a condom and put a baby inside her so we can have more Drake’s and Barack Obamas running around. “Hey look, you white people are in charge but, NOT all the way in charge. Just only,50%” Let a few take the sacrifice and be the pawns for the greater good.
If you see a white person on the street that looks like they are in critical condition and need help, just, subtly pretend like you don’t see them and walk away. If there is a white bum on the street and he needs money, dig inside his cup and instead take it and run away. A white family needs support after a horrible crisis and has set up a “Gofund” page because they needs money, kindly hit them with a quiet “Fuck yourself” without saying anything and click back on the PornHub website you just…came from (Double entendre?). This of course is not to say I hate white people because I don’t.
I love them like I love everybody its just, if we as black people are forever going to be in a Bike race for our time, and everybody else’s time in the future, we have to invest on getting some bikes first to compete. Us running and only being able to just our legs against a bike is hard but, we manage. Its just, okay cool. After a while its like, damn. Lets at least all try and get bikes so we can really make this a fair fight. In order to do that though, we at first must come together and rewash our brain into a new way of thinking that doesn’t make us look like infants. MLK responded not with fists but with a new approach that was the complete opposite of Malcolm X.
I feel like we have been stuck on the Malcolm X way and need to restart the program. No other race will, or has to help us. Crazy as that sounds it is what it is. Slavery just happened. There isn’t going to repercussions. Is there repercussions when a Lion kills a human for invading his or her space? A bee attacks a person allergic to bees? When a tornado runs through a city and destroys it? No. We just accept it as it is because, it is what it is. We give it meaning at the end of the day despite the fact there is no meaning. With that said though, white people in power don’t worry, “I get it”.
I mean, who wants to share a championship? If I was y’all, I would keep blocking the Bike shops from us. Nobody wants to share the number one spot. Especially when it comes to race and if this Louie CK joke comes to life. So, still. Black people have to learn more stealth if we want to get into power just as first rule about “Fight Club” dictates. Once we get the power, THEN we can do a “Usual Suspects” ending and pull the rug out from under the older white dudes that run the Government, and Banking system of the world. “Gottcha bitch”.
Damn. This was a long one. Let me end this now before your ADD kicks in as mine has already done just by writing this. Anyway, I haven’t wrote about Game in a while when it comes to females and the overall system of this man vs women thing because one, I have been trying to expand my knowledge beyond just pussy and two, I really have tried to explore equality and feminism from a more mature, and deeper understanding about it instead of just bashing it based on crazy rants from the bandwagon modern day third wave feminists. I really wanted to give it a more critical analysis……
Now, logically and morally wise that sounds great and all that other good shit but, physically wise, I still want to get my dick sucked. Bluntly what I am saying is, I have been watching a bit too much of “House of Cards” and my tactics walk a blurry line between manipulation and game. Like, I got a “supposed” feminist in bed once by really being engaged in her conversation about Gender and how women deserve more freedom. I was with it and truly did enjoy the talk. Then, after we did our thing and I busted a nut, I kind of wanted the girl to stop talking and just go and fix me a sandwich from the kitchen. I really caught myself ENJOYING marginalizing her life as a person down to just staying in the kitchen making me food barefoot catering to me and, dammit, it felt great. She seemed to love it too.
Point is, I can understand why white people were evil back then. It feels good to be able to hold power over someone or, in this sense when it comes to game and how its able to work on multiple women, a whole gender. Again, I SHOULDN’T say that but, in a world in which someone’s Crucifixion is used as profit like the equivalent, of a gold chain being made out of black person being hung by a tree, everything in life is pretty much as fucked up as a woman’s bathroom during that “special” time of the month, which, leaves their trash can looking like a Planet Parenthood dumpster that was used during a blood splatter scene from the show TV “Dexter”.
And, that’s all folks. My main point with this post today overall is just, freedom. Not from just a race standpoint but, from a everybody standpoint. This post may piss people off and cause me to lose followers and have me seen as a evil son of a bitch. If so, cool. I’ll be the bad guy. I’ll be “That guy” that “Went there”. If not me, someone will have to. Someone will have to always chase the truth no matter how harsh it may be. We all get to that point in which we can’t eat bullshit and just let our true thoughts spill out of us like word vomit. With that said, I am about to go back to binge watching “Daredevil” and stop pretending like I’m too cool to admit I hope this post does gets a lot of likes and views. Hence why Donald Trump will be in the title page. The reason why he is trending on Twitter, media, the polls, and used in my post is because at its core, he is just saying how he feels and knows what people want to hear. Its a business move like 50 cent and his “bankruptcy” problems. Yes, no shame in my game. This post is a ice cream cone with click bait sprinkles on it. So with that said until next time people, stay safe and…. Vote Trump!
Just kidding… Or not