(Don’t worry. Video will stop at the 1:11:43 mark)
“I just needed time alone, with my own thoughts
Got treasures in my mind but couldn’t open up my own vault
My child-like creativity, purity and honesty is honestly being crowded by these grown thoughts
Reality is catching up with me, taking my inner child I’m fighting for custody
With these responsibilities that they entrust in me
As I look down at my diamond encrusted piece thinking… No one man should have all this Power” -Kanye West “Power”
Last week I posted on my Twitter that I couldn’t drop a post because I was sick as can be. The truth is though, I just didn’t have anything I wanted to write. Meaning, I had nothing to seek. I no longer sought to seek out….anything Its a weird thing. I wrote out a bunch of new paragraphs but, they really had no purpose to it. They just, were there. They were good don’t get me wrong but, overall, the message and purpose was lacking. This wasn’t a bad thing though. If anything, this was the best thing to happen to me.
I just found myself with a ton of new stuff and really could of just compiled a compilation together, slap a name on it, and just release it without giving a fuck other than hoping it will get more likes and views for my blog. I could of took that easy route but, I couldn’t. I seen something in these mix of paragraphs despite me just saying it lacked a reason. I seen basically what I was doing. I seen myself coming to the realization that I had nothing to say. I had no more truth I was seeking. I was “still looking” as Alan Watts pointed out here until I stopped and realized that what I was “Looking” for was none other than….myself.
This, idea of there being something to seek is what is driving us as a people crazy. This, invisible map we are all following has us all ironically going in different directions yet, following the same path towards the road of nowhere. Can we say we have ever explored our own truth? I mean, thinking about it now, is there a such thing as OUR OWN truth? Yes, I said I was seeking myself but, at the same time what is the self? Is that not anther “Idea”. Another “Philosophy”. Another “Script” for us to read and memorize so we are allowed to eat and buy clothes? Credit cards ring a bell?. I had nothing to seek. I had no truth to find. I had no mystery to solve. I found myself , in a way, moving because I had no choice. “Machines don’t ask questions”. I really should take my own advice sometimes.
I found myself really just left with a hybird of a cold and a flu. I was stuck in bed and couldn’t care less about searching for meaning. Which, in Zen terms is the best way to describe Zen. But also, that is a lie to associate Zen with any system of “Best” or “Greatest” (Zen is such a trickey fucker sometimes) Point is, when I wasn’t looking I already had found what I was looking for (Confused yet?) Being sick allowed me to just stay in bed and be lazy complaining.
I watched Netflix, drunk tea, popped cough drops like Eminem did pills in 2009, complained some more, and overall, couldn’t care less about anything other than this sickness that was in me (Me? Hmm) I still am sick and I tell you its the worse but, looking back, it was also the best thing that could of happened to me. I was free from looking for the truth and instead sought out zero. But as you can see, I am back to writing about the number zero. The people who wrote the Bible had it wrong. They should of just enjoyed the experience they saw, and then let it die in the same spot it was born. Now, Christianity is a brand that is no different than Pepsi. The movement really died the same day the Cross necklace was invented and sold for profit.
I remember last week someone asked me where to start when it comes to learning about Zen. I asked him why ask me and, he just says “I can just tell you know. I get this vibe from you”. Weird but, I just smiled and told him “That would be a grave mistake. You already had the answer. You don’t need to find anything” Again, I really should take my own advice. Yet, at the same time its hard to turn off this “Truth” switch. Finding Zen was the best and worst thing that could of happened to me. If I could, I would trade places mentally with the person that asked me that question. I would then have his “Problems” and really be able to live a normal life. Zen is the greatest trap any man or woman would love and hate to fall into.
This is not said from a person that is “emotionally distress”. I am not anger at anything. I seek to take out no corporations as the 2013 Kanye West song “New Slaves” speaks on it when it comes to humans, and are love for “Best Buy” visual material goods. “I don’t have a dog in this fight. I am just a fan that came to say hi”. All I am merely doing is using the visuals, words, colors, people, and the energy around me in a organized fashion. Some people will be good, others will not. How you approach this on a mental, and logically level with the energy of almost dying in a positive way, is based on YOUR view of the world. You are your own tree. Humans move in the same function as ants and bees.
Its funny. I came up with this philosophy when it came to the idea of “Vacation”. It was a simple concept that felt like I should of been known years ago. Yet, at the same time more so, something I should of never known years ago. The only reason vacation feels good is because of the work we do. If vacation was everyday, we would be trapped in the understanding that we really don’t want to do anything unless the body needed something (Pussy. Food. Sleep. Wash. Exercise. Etc) If that were the case and we all collectively as a people began to sync in that same mindset, how many “problems” we face now would surely decrease that wasn’t family, or self related? Is perfection as good as it sounds?
Artwork is used to invoke expression and feeling within the viewer. That pleasure which uses the eyes and lets you feel things on a marijuana like visual high can also be the same thing in which becomes another system to entrapped you. That is why when I look at this idea of “Progression” I link it up with the old 90’s personal classic movie of mine “Demolition man”. What if we do reach a point in which everything was PERFECT. There were no issues or worries about life and all music was good, all movies were great, sex every time is a 10, food was immaculate, and the stress of being successful was erased from our daily thoughts. The movie “Demolition man” had reached that point and, as great as that sounds the world in that movie became a parody of itself. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t. If real, God must of wanted to start out as a comedian back then.
The paintings visually and material wise that we humans create, like the mirror, can both become our greatness source of pleasure, and our greatest source of confused pain like the person in which we stare at everyday….in the mirror. “Machines don’t ask questions” they just perform. Sandra Bullock’s character wanted things to “shake up” because she was “bored” and needed “excitement”. She in that movie forever represents all woman need for a break from the norm. A man’s true chase in life will always be the art design of a woman’s love and body. If we reached a point of “Parody peace” we all would follow her need of destruction and once again dip our feet together in the pool of death using one leg to stand on. We all would become Johnny Knoxville.
Old memories and New ideas are forever the guides of every life of the past, present, and of course, the future. Racism as bad as it is is the reason we have great black movies, music, books, inventors, and overall just people. It was based on the mental pressure and torture of dealing with a system of another race of people locked in a mindset that at its roots was once a random thought birthed out of the body’s need for survival, and, its inner reaction operating system like a regular, or, burglar alarm for energy of fear. We control the information yet at the same time it can control us. Its forever a game between what is inside (Us) and outside (……Us)
I debated on whether or not I was going to talk about the recent Kanye West news. I didn’t see it fitting into the narrative I am trying to express with this post. Then, I looked at the video above I am using and seen it how the recent news did connect. You see, Kanye West around that time named his album “Swiss” because he didn’t want to walk around with its original name “So Help Me God”. The way I view that is, he had a concept in his head and the concept became a system. Another story he had to read. Kanye West I feel like at this point in his life is no longer in search of a story to read. He seems like a person just trying to live and enjoy life at a dope level. A art design level as is everything from conversations, entertainment, sex, thinking, creating, etc. He had the title and just erased it. He switched the name with “Swiss” as a way to almost leave it untitled with no concept. No story to create. Room mentally to breathe and just play. The philosophy of a billionaire with enough time for silence.
I view that video in the same way I viewed this latest post and just life as a whole. I needed time myself to create but, how many people are really afforded that luxury? This reality and idea is both our greatest weapon of defense and ,Terminator threat. Like in BDSM, there is a always either a relationship or, a level of play when it comes to a Dominant or submissive. That is not just in the late night hours but also in the day time hours of everyday life. The fact that there is always a rich and poor system help both sides. The poor inspire to become rich and the rich inspire to stay wealthy based on not wanting to be poor. In Christianity terms, the first “lab rat experiment” of creating a “rich” person and “broke” person are the true Adam and Eve parents of “life”.
By me being sick I was left with no more need to chase the idea of “truth”. “I positively didn’t give a fuck”. That is how I viewed the Kanye West video above. We all need that alone time but not too much of it. Sort of like a “Cigarette Break” from the everyday professional job of life. I now understand why R&B singer The Weeknd chose that name to use. We all can’t wait to get to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Even the most wealthy have those days lined out for something important as if the calender’s use still mattered to them when it came to their bank account. I needed to just live and allow things to just be. By being sick, I became just a kid again or more so, a successful actor taking a break from movies and just enjoying being able to breathe normal again. We all are locked in some kind of story at each and every turn if you think about it.
Its why I wasn’t going to speak on his recent movements in the media but, I seen how it connected. That moment was just a normal human moment that every man and woman went through when it came to a ex or, just anything in general you were passionate about. Some people its women, some people its men, others its sneakers, and others its music or fashion. Whatever. Kanye West is a celebrity but he is still the same as you and I. This is not a “Stan” defense for a artist. This is just me seeing him as another wrestler playing a role in this WWE environment that is life. After the smoke had settled, his incident with Amber Rose and rapper Wiz Khalifa became another system for us to pick apart. But, why? Its a moment that has passed. Its here now and gone tomorrow. We could last a lifetime speaking on A MOMENT that just passed and think of every angle to view and dissect apart. Its like watching a documentary on nature and the camera man only shoots one scene of a animal attack for 110 minutes. What sense does that make? The video above was from 2015. Its 2016 now (No way, REALLY?) and he has finished his album and renamed it “Waves”. He clearly was finally able to create something after having time to live and focus on other things. His vacation was over and he went back to work. Retirement is a illusion when it comes to being both the employee and employer of life
The messenger will forever be the poster child of information. Kanye West Yeezus mask he used on his 2013 tour finally makes sense to me even if that wasn’t his original intention for it. That is the design I saw. We will never be able to find the color of air. Yet, we will always pursue the challenge that can never be permanently satisfied. In closing, I really can’t explain what can never be explained. You can chose whatever title for this post again. I called it ” Swiss sessions, and Cigarette breaks” but, all this post was, was really me just setting up a camera in a gym while I practice that you were then able to view me in later on. Not in a selfish cocky way but, more so letting you know I am no different from you. We all are players in this game forever stuck in practice mode rewarding each other with OUR OWN championships as humans. As Kobe Bryant spoke on when he talked about a past mediation session, Basketball was no longer his center, The game was no longer his “do or die” and instead just living a life with his family was more important. A decision that lead him to his retirement.
That retirement from one part of his life doesn’t mean he is officially retired FROM LIFE. Just one section is over. There are many more to come. That is how I view life but at the same time that is how life is guiding me. We take vacations from time to time yet work will always be needed to be done. Machines don’t ask questions they just simply perform. I needed time to let reality hit me around a bit before I got back out there and felt like writing. “Life is always work” can be seen as stressful but that is also a chance for us to treat that stress as a opponent and find a way to out box it. Ying and yang could of been the best way I started and ended this post……… Thank you for your time. Reading my thoughts which are no different than yours and has no real answer is greatly appreciated. Again my friend, I have no clue on what is right or wrong when it comes to the big picture of life. Yet at the same time the picture I am staring at is just that. A picture of our own creation. None of us will ever have “THE answer”. In that sense, we can create our own and then destroy it whenever we want. Old memories and New ideas will forever be the guide for past, present, and future of life. The last man’s home is another person’s place to freeload. I’ll leave it here with the 2nd verse and overall the 2007 song as a whole “Can’t tell me nothing” from Kanye West’s “Graduation” album. I never knew how the hook, concept, and second verse of the song had a universal theme that will last forever until…..Now