Motivation

STARING AT THE COLORS OF A MOVIE POSTER

Popcorn and empty soda cups. 

 

All different sizes too. One is small which was obviously for a small child. The large one which was obvious for the adults. And of course, no cups and instead snuck in Pepsi and Sprite bottles which were obviously for the cheap people as myself. That is what I first saw when I looked around after… waking up for some reason. I noticed that and the quietness of the empty theater. I slowly got up and realized the reason why I could see the popcorn and soda cups. A, “movie” was still being played which made the room remain bright and visible. That movie, was my life.

I just stood there and watched as no sound was being played. Just, images. Images moving in motions I had remembered, yet at the same time forgotten. The past, present, and future. I seen images of people still around in my life, and people not still around in my life. Colors, objects, nature, pets, houses, streets, cars, toys, clothes, etc. My whole life of images with no sound just played in pure quietness as I stood in a empty theater. I didn’t know what was going on, but at the same time felt as if I truly was home again. 

Why the use or, more so no use of no sound? That right there was my first question. My first prison if you will as I stood there watching the images of my life. I looked around and started to create more prisons for myself. “Why am I here?” “What is going on?” “Am I high?” “Can someone help me?” etc. Yes as always for me and people like me in this world once we truly do find paradise we do our best to question it by trying so hard to get back to “reality”. I had to escape from the place which has no words for escape or paradise. I walked out of my aisle going to exit and started to hear voices outside of the theater. How poetic if you will. I heard outside voices and quickly added mine in the mix. The fear once again of just being with my own self even in doubt remain apart of me. A universal rule of life like death and gravity if you will. 

As the door opened I could instantly see the difference in clothing from everybody was the norm. The common number without being common if you will. Some people were dressed with the latest fashion that can be seen in modern rap videos and the youth, while others had a very post-modern style of clothing as if the movie “Mad Max” had its own fashion line. Others were not matching with many different colors splashed together as if they were a on a mushroom trip and using clothes visually to match what they felt inside. Many styles in clothing as well as talking were before my eyes outside of me and “my” theater I had just left. I found myself once again in the feeling I had before waking up. Lost at sea. Lost in the zoo. Lost in the jungle. Lost in the world. 

Yet, this time the feeling didn’t last as long as it us to. For as I said before number wise it was a chaotic style. No perfect number in the people I seen from skin tone, gender, style of clothing, style of hair, style of shoes, style of movement, expression, wealth, speech, eye color, etc. It was like I had just stepped inside the basement of a mass collection of Best Buy, Apple, GameStop, Target, Macys, and Barns and Noble items combine in a large dog pile. The people outside of “me” and “my” movie theater were the first sounds I heard as I awoke. This is where that certain laughter took place. You know the one. That one belly laugh which should be “wrong” to express yet, at the same time that is what makes the laugh a TRUE laugh. Yes. That laugh. That laugh had became released from me. Almost like the same way I “released” myself from “my” quiet movie theater of self images. I looked back and seen the doorway and aisle back to my life was empty and full of space. This caused me to laugh again before I closed the door

For you see, the person reading this right now or, the person not reading this right now are the same as the people I IMAGINE reading this right now and the same people I IMAGINE not reading this right now. My voice and yours are one in the same. This is what I noticed first the minute I opened the door and stepped away from “my” movie theater. Naturally I tried to make sense of it like the first question I had asked myself. I tried to make a connection in the forms of images, sounds, people, gender, clothing, and even the movie theater itself but nope. Nothing matched while at the same time everything matched. Making sense of this to myself or you (Or not you) reading this is the least of my concern, In fact, I hope none of this makes sense like staring at a Netflix menu trying to view every movie at once as if to seek a pattern. Me, I’m simply the other/same one on the other side of the coin picking any random movie to watch. Images are made to stimulate the brain. How or why would I or you try and place a image on FEELING? Still confused? Great. Follow the confusion and soon it will make sense. 

What you deem is “right” based off someone else who also learned from someone else and so on is not what I am claiming right now. I am not claiming to be wrong either as to do so would be to say there is a overall standard and IMAGE of “wrong” when it comes to life. The movie theater I am in can be a car that you drive. A place that you shop. A house for which you enjoy to visit. A place for which you inside feel is your HOME.  All I am doing now is placing the images in my head and creating them into words on this blog. The same way we do everyday we look outside… which, is also the same as the inside that is in each and everyone of us. There is no such thing as a job called “Painter” “Photographer” “Visionary” etc. For to say so would to say that there is a standard for how a colors should be. Who owns the colors for which is free and created by us as a whole?   

The words I use can now can never explain what I mean yet at the same time explain everything. If I tell you to take a Bible and throw it on the floor you would hesitate and more than likely deny the action. Or, you may shrug your shoulders and give the book a quick flick on the ground. Whatever action you perform and experience you received based on the SOUND from MY request will be the answer you seek, yet never would of thought of had I not said anything to begin with. The outside influences the inside in you because both are the same LOST on the RIGHT PATH. I am naked according to thoughts and eyes competing with you a person reading this fully clothed. The blind man sees no competition and grants us both the winner. Ironically, he who is blind understands colors, words, and images better than we ever could.  

My last three posts that I have created recently in the past months here, here, and here as well have helped me crack the complex code I have been trying to solve and FEEL the reward of “success” again all my life since I was a child. It has made me see that the “Machine” of colors, concepts, words, ideas, theories, philosophies, and of course the human body are only creations of us. Truth can not be boxed in and sold for a price to be sold and brought. When looking in a mirror, how can I or you put a price tag on the VISION of self  which can’t be held or felt unless its performed in action by only YOU or only ME? We are all collaborators on the longest movie ever living on the Dessert of the Real in Technicolor. 

We all are the hotel rooms in which former Rockstars of the past left a mess. We are the Instagram and Tumbler beauties wasted on drugs in a club bathroom at night their makeup becomes destroyed. The first time you saw the little girl from “The Exorcist”. The feeling you got as the end credits of “The Blair Witch Project” rolled on screen and had no idea if what you saw was real or just a movie. The dialogue from Hannibal Lector. The reason you locked your locks extra tight after watching the movie “The Strangers”. The end result of a concert headlining Nirvanna . The reaction of hearing or seeing the movie “The Human Centipede”. The sound, lyrics, and emotions of from you the first time listening to Eminem’s “Kim” at a young, middle, or even old age. The new episode of “The Walking Dead”. “Breaking Bad”, and “Mad Men”. The first season of “True Detective”. The 90’s-mid 2000’s entertainment of wrestling, Rap music, movies, etc. The first time you watched “The Shinning” and listened to the creepy, dark, odd, scary, and eerie score of the film. etc. That is what I see in the people walking around in the movies. That is what I seen when I awoke and looked up staring at “my” movie screen. That is what I see in this world. That is what I hope you understand yet at the same time don’t understand at all. If I were to ever give this a label, I would call it the “Philosophy of Zero”. Funny though, if so that was the name would words even be needed to explain what it is and is not? 

In closing, if you are somehow still here towards the end of this post I thank you for sharing your time with me. If you are not here and left after the third paragraph I thank you too (Even though you are not here to receive the thanks but, anyway). Because the time you use to share with me is also the time you can use to craft your vision of the world and how you see it. If anything, I’m no different than a brick wall stopping you from going inside a Sex store and preventing you from truly expressing what you with to do with your significant other in the bedroom later on that night. I am no different.

This post I shared with you today is not to be taken in a literal sense. To boil it down to its root core, all I am simply saying is that I have come to the realization that all my life my OWN eyes have been stolen from me by images, words, concepts, ideas, philosophies, ideologies, stories, memories,  colors, etc. What do I truly know? Who am I truly? This is why I named this post “Staring at the colors of a movie poster”. If you take a 1,000 movie posters and place them in a line it will make no sense color wise yet, at the same time, make complete sense as a whole. There cease to exist a “Star”, “Co-star”, “Supporting cast”, “Extra”, “Director”, etc. There are no more lines to read or emotions to act out. All that is left is the colors of the posters combining to make a mess while at the same time placing everything in order.

The only reason I describe this vision as a movie theater is based off being conditioned as to what a movie theater even is. My words are not even MY words. I want to start a new language. A new color. A new name for everything. A new…whatever. To you I say chase after the same thing. My blog posts will never give YOU the answer you seek in life. None of my posts will. My posts are like building a sand castle on the beach everyday of your life. Placing every detail and focus on every square inch of whatever kind of castle you are trying to invent. Your sweat, time, emotions, vision, etc all poured into this daily sand castle. Doing everything in your power to bring these buckets of sand and create something epic for you to smile and proud of just so in a few hours the water will come by and destroy everything in 10 seconds.

That water represents the truth. That water represents the random chaotic nature of life. That water is reality. That water is the first time you watch a movie you never seen before. The first time you listen to a new CD from a artist. The first time you open a new book at Barns and Noble and read it. That water, are the words you are reading right now for the first time on this blog post.  The scariest thing in life I have realized is not based on people, places, or things. To me, the scariest thing of all is asking the question “What do I TRULY want in life”. MY own choice what is it that I REALLY want? That thought is more scary than any Horror movie can conjurer up. For that would mean the only person standing in my way of MY own vision of life was me and me alone. Question everything. EVERYTHING….. EVERYTHING. I’ll leave it here with a quote from the book “Hardcore Zen, Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth about Reality” by Brad Warner. Thank you for your time as always. I am just a man sharing his coloring book of the world hoping I never fit in the lines as I am “suppose” to.

 And here is something that’ll really get your panties in a bunch. Maybe your concept of ultimate reality has no counterpart to ultimate reality  –Brad Warner

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Categories: Motivation, Zen

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