(Don’t worry. Video will stop at the 55:37 mark)


The fear of GOD when I was younger used to be something within, and outside of myself that felt was as real as mother’s cooking, and my father’s short temper. The weight, especially inside and all around me, was hard to shake off as I would hear stories from adults preaching about how all powerful, and all seeing this person was. Not a man or woman but,  a spirit that watched everything we did and would determine at the end of our lives whether or not we deserve to go to heaven or hell. My actions and motivations always had a element of “GOD is watching” despite being so young and not knowing how to truly have, or, develop a abstract thought. In simple terms, he was like the adult version of Santa Clause. If Santa Clause was a PG-13 movie, GOD was the Porn movie version of that, that was hidden out of sight like my father’s porn collection hidden in a grey case. 

This feeling felt singular from me, my family, friends, and everybody else in the world. It wasn’t so much talked about but, it played as background music as the kids and adults around me’s actions and thoughts were halted from going off script due to having GOD watching down. Again, this was a “Feeling” more so than something I actually seen. The information age had not yet even cracked the surface like it does now in modern times so, my scope was limited as far as how deep the rabbit hole goes. Which, looking back in hindsight was the best move for us as a society to lack awareness of what can be, and, what is not. Sure, the feeling of the times back in the mid-90’s and early 2000’s was not one of ignorance as TV, radio, stories, and the situations around us played a role in showing how bad things were and can get in the world yet, there was still that feeling of being left out in the dark of something. Something that made being bad cool and a little dangerous. It had not yet become a option or default way of seeing things as it feels like now. 

Fast forward now and, GOD and religion in my life is seen as not so much the truth but, more so, an option to HIDE FROM the truth. GOD and religion is now seen and felt as more so patterns to be figured out and used in whatever capacity I need it to be. Awareness in myself and, looking around observing others is now one of “by any means necessary” as Malcolm X once said. This is not to paint me as some sort of authority on what is right and wrong and how people should live. This is more so me simply observing the feeling I now feel when it comes to how people are able to view the world. This world in my view, is becoming more video game like everyday. Back then, success was merely part of the goal but was never placed above family, friends, morals, philosophies, etc. Now, the opposite in my opinion has occurred. We now are able to view the world as being able to change at any minute. No longer was the feeling of something watching over us deciding our faiths everyday on this blue dot that we lived on. We are becoming our own Vince McMahons. We could now decide the final outcome. Leadership being dead meant the feeling of “Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do” had now become upon us. 



There was never any grand master plan for us to follow during the beginning stages of discovering fire, and, hunting to stay alive. There was never a book nor map that could guide us in the right direction towards safety and comfort from the beast that was, and still is, nature. We, never had police, government, doctors, fireman, order, rules, laws, etc. All we had during the “Tarzan like” fashion days were our need to simply run and stay alive for the simple purpose of making it to see another day. We never knew anything about what the world could become. We simply just focused on not being killed and finding food to stop the painful stomach rumblings. “It just was” back in those harsh days when murder was not murder nor was being civil seen as something logical to do. We, were on our own left with just the skills we developed over time. There was never, a “Plan”. 

My knowledge in this field is limited as I have said numerous times before. I am sure there are many others reading this who can point you in a better direction as to find something more deeper and less vague about our Neanderthal time period. Apologies once again in advance but, my point to paint is something more simple yet complex philosophical wise as to our beginnings. Just, on a logical standpoint as far as what we know now in this time we never did have a plan. Anyway, we never knew what we would become as far as technology goes. No caveman back then was thinking of surviving in hopes of one day of his future brothers and sisters being able to use a computer with internet and Facebook access. That was not even a thought nor nowhere close to becoming a thought when you had other caveman and animals ready to have you as a late night snack. Chaos was the name of the game. Rules and damn near language had not yet been developed. What was simply was, “Simply, was” Until, by whether GOD or just a collective group thought, we came together to have a plan.

There was no rules as I have said earlier. We or, maybe some “Being” from above ourselves came together and made us organize to help stop us from killing each other and wasting our food supply. A plan was in motion that placed men in positions, women in positions, kids in safety, food in proper limitations, shelters build, etc. This, was the beginning roots of what you see today in modern times. It was all based on a plan to survive if you look at it from a simple logical thought. My timeline may be off but, my point I am making is hard not to notice. We were never given any tools other than the tools that WE made. We created order in our world to help stop the chaos from killing us and being left for dead by animals or any other natural diseases. I said  maybe a “Being” helped us evolve to that point but, the evidence is lacking currently on whether or not there was a helper from above to lead us so, my only honest conclusion was that it was us that created our own program to help better our chances to survival. Society and civilization as a then I am to believe as a whole was not something in my belief created from a outside source. WE, created the outside source after WE became settled as time moved along and started to ask the question”What does this all mean”. I feel as if we told ourselves a story and invented a scavenger hunt for truth out of boredom.  



Men were men, women were women, children were children were children, GOD was GOD, and beating your dogs were seen as acceptable. Life since the caveman times had a plan in motion to keep things in order away from the chaos that was nature which, had no restrictions or rules on it. Life had a singular path in motion which in simple terms meant men from the beginning created a false reality to go against the harsh environment we found ourselves in when hunting and killing were not just words but, only actions to get what we needed. This lasted onwards as time moved on. A plan that everybody followed. A script that was not a script for people but more so the truth plain as day. There was never a alternative in thinking when it came to how men were, how women were, how children were, and how GOD above was seen. If anyone or anything went against this path to travel off road they, as well as their “cancer” thinking, were killed and buried deeply in the ground. That is, until the times started to change and people started to slowly understand this life we were living was not the end all be all. Things could,and did change. 

From the female POV like this scene helps perfectly depict in the point I’m trying to paint. Women, started to notice something. They, in my feeling of just guessing and critical thinking, started to wonder “what if” as far as being bad goes when it came to their marriage and the world around them. They, in my view started to no longer see the world as merely the one and only default but, more so, a option for many actions to chose from. From inner thoughts to outer, women I believe started to lose faith in men and their authority that once was held  as “The Most Dominant”, or most “Fearful” as the sight of a animal or the thought of GOD lurking from above. Men started to show emotion, men started to not be as dominant as the next man, men would now cry, show worry, doubt, fear, and weakness. Men would cheat and not take their marriage vowels as serious as women did. Men, showed what was behind the curtain. Women now started to ask the question:

“Why him and not me? Why can’t I do as I please? Why can’t I dress how I want and behave as badly as him? Why was this… fair?” 

Women I believed started to see the world as a pattern and more so on a deeper level, a prison that they were trapped in. Like this scene shows as well as the gif above, women had reached their Truman show moment and felt a need to escape. 

The reasons for why we as men created this false reality up until that time was now forgotten as women and, people as a whole on a universal level, started to see that they were in a prison and not so much a default world from all angles. Black people were once seen as vile and lower than dirt. Now, they were and are equal (Somewhat) and seen as respectable as the next man no matter what skin color. You once could beat the shit out of your dogs and no one would bat a eye. Now, if someone finds out you do in fact to that your dog, he or she more than likely would be taken from you. Sexual harassment for women was something they just had no choice but to deal with. Now, if you look at a women the wrong way say for instance at work, you had better start seeking another job real soon. Kids would never dare talk back to their parents for fear of being beat. Now, touch your kids the wrong way, DCF will be in your life forever. I could go on but I hope you understand my point. The world we once knew could be changed at a moment’s noticed. Once this occurred on a subconsciousness level, we now started to ask what in the world was real or fake if we ourselves had the power to control it? Who was our leaders? We became aware of the option from right and wrong like Adam and Eve eating from the tree of knowledge.



If being a good girl was the right thing to do, being bad was seen as the cool and fun thing to do. If being a strong dominant male was seen as the correct way to live, men now had to option of doing the opposite and not be judged for it. The correct way of doing things became merely a option back then, and currently in the world that we now live in. There is no longer a set plan for how to be a man. Men just as women as well has kids to a certain extent have a way in which they can live their lives due to the awareness we have reached currently in modern times. We may of lost a path but we gained knowledge of being able to control our purpose which on surface level seems great and even expected but, on a much deeper level long term wise, is it really? 

I named this post based around Batman and Joker for a reason. If you watch the film it’s not really a film based on man vs man in my opinion. More so, its a film which shows the internal struggle that humans now faced since having their Truman Show moment and realizing the reality we grew up in could change. Batman represents order, structure, laws, rules, beliefs, morals, maps, blueprints, etc, while The Joker is the complete opposite of what Batman stands for based on reactionary impulse. A man or belief like Joker’s only can exist with Batman around and vice versa. If you watch this movie in a theater or at home just look around at the company you are with and you will witness a experiment in humans having a option to pick which is right and which is wrong. Yes, this sounds like a far out reach but work with me and think about it. As I said before, men were men and women were women etc. There was a time in which ads like these were okay to be published in newspapers magazines as well as racist ones like these. Now, all of a sudden due to social order and the fact that you could get in trouble, the script has been flipped. The reality we once knew is dead and replaced with a new one because……………….why? Because we have evolved or, because of the fact that the trouble could appear if the wrong thing is said? Who determines what is right and wrong in this sense? Do you see what I am saying? 

By watching Batman vs Joker play out in front of our eyes like in the comics or movies you can see the inner struggle of the world around us. We now know the option of doing right (Batman) and the opposite of that which is freedom based on the existence of what is “deemed right” (Joker). By this happening as I said in the beginning of this post we each in my view are coming into the conclusion that we are becoming aware that we are our own Vince McMahons in which we can decide what is right, and, what is wrong on a philosophical level. If the Boss at work calls out and a sub boss is used to replace the main one it felt like a free day is handed to us. When the main boss returns though it was back to being stressed based on what kind of person he or she was. My thing is, why was this case? Was he or she the main authority based on universal GOD law or because of a system that WE AS HUMANS created? 



Once we or, most the people became aware of the system we find ourselves in we start to seek out something more genuine. More authentic. A glitch in the system. We start to seek out something or a person that is not of this prison but more so someone that is outside of it that could guide us away from this maze with no ending. We look for a leader to now guide us since the one we once believed in was destroyed as far as the main plan of how this world once was. Problem is though, that thing or person which starts to become TOO human and too random starts to cause feelings in us which tetters towards the unknown. That person or thing starts to delve away from the script too much and we naturally based on our caveman roots to avoid danger start to box that person it. We kill our own chances of letting something just be and evolve when we try and crush it from getting too far away from us. Naturally, we box it in based on our own fears of not being able to control it.

Take someone like Kanye West who at one time in Hip Hop was seen as the savior and god to help bring in a new wave of music and passion for a art form that had found itself in its own box of money, hoes, clothes, violence, and more bullshit. Kanye was allowed to be outspoken, raw, honest, and truthful as many times as he pleased. He was “allowed” to go as far as he wanted and say whatever what was on his mind without facing much backlash. He was the glitch in the system that we seek and hope for to bring chaos to a jail cell we trapped ourselves in. That is, until it became too much. Like in 2009 when he interrupted Taylor’s Swift’s MTV music award acceptance speech based on him feeling Beyonce should of won instead. They, meaning us, had trapped another one. Kanye was no longer cheered for being bold and honest in how he felt. He was now another created system and brand to be locked in a box. Sure, he still says whatever he feels like, like in 2015 but, now more so, the consensus of him is one based on water bottles instead of letting him JUST BE ans flow like a ocean. 

Picture Kanye West as a beginning stages of a movie being made. Nowadays leaked photos of films being made in real time as well as scripts and spoilers are found on the internet for the world to see. This is how Kanye West was once viewed. As a man being crafted in real time while we watched and enjoyed the flashes of genius which spilled from him. Onwards years later, a movie is created and finally becomes a finished product. This is where Kanye West becomes a system which develops Fans and critics. His box is now complete and stepping out of it would alienate his fans and critics alike. His fans will love him for things he did and does as long as it follows the same narrative from the the beginning and pleases them while his critics will give the stamp or approval or disapproval based on………..who’s authority? This continues back to my main points. This can be used for anything not just a Kanye West. We claim to want something new and fresh but once we get it, we do our best to place it within a box instead of letting it JUST BE. We lost faith in leadership and do our best to find the pattern in things and people to “expose the fake” in it. Acceptance is a word and concept that is hard and, if not, nowhere close to being reachable for most people if you really thing about it.



I picture this world set up like a bowling alley in which the people in power set up the pins, while the people outside of power are left to roll a ball and knock it down. All in all, the action knocking down the pins take place within a bowling alley in a controlled environment. Tell a story and pass it off as real and let people start researching whether or not its fact or not. Like turning the TV on and keeping the kids busy while the adults go out to play. 

Like I talked about here, I find myself viewing the world trapped within a fish bowl of its own creation. Ego aside, I see myself living in it but also being able to observe it from a outside view. With each new blog post, philosophy, ideology, book, wisdom, and knowledge that I read or write, I feel as though I am making things worse for me and the world as a whole by adding and keeping people trapped within this fish bowl state of thought. A post like this which shows me telling you the reader what is right and what is wrong doesn’t help you as a person JUST BE and create your OWN way of thinking. Its like this scene which shows Morpheus giving Neo two options on how to live HIS life. The right way in the red pill, and the wrong way in the blue pill. Neo, at that moment should of got up and told Morpheus to go fuck himself and walk out of that building. 

It does then beg the question why the powers or, people on their own allow themselves to be trapped in this system instead of making their own choices and do the same as I suggested Neo should of did in the first “Matrix” movie. Why too can’t we just abolish laws, rules, and order to let the “chips fall as they may” like the “Fight Club” quote said. Why not allow people to just do as they please and step back so we can make our own choices and let us just be? Well, its because in my view what is deemed “Free” is also in the same box as what is deemed “Death”. Death is something we have no knowledge about and may never have any knowledge about. This is what my Kanye West example from above talked about. We can’t allow something too much freedom because of our caveman past of trying to do anything to survive by avoiding chaos as much as possible. We look for cages to place ourselves and other people in. Death is the representation of the coded fear in each of us since the beginning of time. It is the one constant that has never changed. To accept something as just being with no rhyme or reason to it is a concept that is hard to grasp.

Say for example if POP Star Rihanna went on a talk show like Jimmy Kimmel live and flashed her breasts on live TV. We would say she is crazy, slutty, on drugs, seeking attention, dumb, acting like a whore, etc. All of these things we would say instead of just coming to the terms that what she did just randomly happened. There was no reason for it at all. THAT, is unacceptable. It has to mean something. By us understanding we could change our reality we helped and hurted ourselves at the time time. Its why I spoke on religion in the beginning of this post. I spoke not from a place of fear, but more so, from a place of everyone being aware that now, there really is no more rules to this anymore. Anything is possible. Whether that is good or bad though, is still up for debate.



In closing to end this complex post, the main thing I left coming away with when I finished my thoughts on this was to simply live. Accept things as they are. Everything is everything, and nothing is everything. There is never going to be the greatest girlfriend in the world. There is never going to be the perfect boyfriend in the world. There is never going to be the perfect job in the world. And you’re never going to find complete happiness in all of the money in the world. We create our own world and in a sense this in the long run could be the best thing to have, have discovered, or, the worse thing to have been discovered. Either way, we are here at this point in life and have to make the choice on how to accept this fact.

Sure, I could be wrong and maybe there is a GOD watching our every move. Yet, at the same time, what if there never was and when I die, I become aware of that fact and end up being a ghost or spirit just wondering around the world as energy forever. To live in fear is one thing, but to live in regret is a whole other hell in itself. The problem is choice. More questions than answers and solutions I leave you with but, is that such a bad thing? Better to keep the story going than have it end abruptly. Why do we need a ending?





Categories: Philosophical, Writing

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