I remembered the smell.
The smell was powerful to nose as if I dug my head inside of a fat woman’s seat cushion that was watching a exercise video after a half hour of trying, and finally deciding to order a pizza for her and her kids. My nostrils quickly opened up as I sat there in a daze unable to move or think inside of that funeral home. I was with my childhood friend and someone else I can’t remember.
One of my childhood friend’s that lived right behind me sister had been killed in a car accident. I remember that morning when my close friend came into my room after my mother let him inside. He told me the news and had a smile on his face. I said “That’s not funny” and he said he wasn’t laughing. Looking back, I can see that is just his way of dealing with certain things. Days later we rode our bikes to the funeral home talking about what had happen and what we were going to say once we got in there. All big talk of course because, the minute we went inside, we sat down and stayed more quiet than men waiting outside the bathroom as their side piece took a birth control test.
I remember sitting there afraid to see the open casket. Half of the top of her head had been severely burned off so they had no choice but to place a black wig on her, along with a hat you would see little girls wear in the 90’s. Picture the TV “Sister Sister” during their first season. Anyway, I sat there and finally was brave enough to get up and walk towards the casket first as her family, mother, step-father, and other family members were lined up in chairs thanking everyone for coming. There were a lot of people that came but, my friend did not. I had no idea where he was but, I understood why he couldn’t see his sister like this.I peeked in the casket and seen her resting in peace as if she was sleeping. It was my first time seeing a dead body before. A cute dead body at that. As I finished, I went towards the mother with hands more wet than the Golden Girl’s in their last season ever could at that age. I shook her hand and looked in her eyes seeing nothing but pure pain and heartbreak. I said my peace and she humbly thanked me before I left with my friend and the other guy I can’t remember.
I never forgot that woman’s face. Name yes but, not the face. Blame the weed I guess. Anyway, that pain in her eyes is something that always stuck with me. That pain of losing a child or someone close to you is a pain that I, and everyone else will all face in life. Sure, I have lost a dog but, for some, I don’t think it can be as impactful as losing a person. A person that is either family, boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife. The pain of, investing all of your energy into someone and for them to be snatched away from you is a cruel joke that the world plays on us. We place our hearts and souls into one person for hopefully a long time, until, of course life comes calling and they are taken from us in a instance. Its almost as if deep in the back of our mind we know how foolish and dangerous it is to love someone that deeply. It may not scream out at everybody but, deep in there you can feel it as you get older in life. When it comes to outside of the family its even worse. At one time in the past this person in your bed was a stranger. Now, you two have grown together on this journey through life, all so at any moment’s notice she or he could be taken away in a heartbeat.
This, was suppose to be “it”. The big one. The finale. Game over. No more worries. Etc. That of course being love and relationships. You meet, date, fuck, spend some years together, then boom marriage. This was suppose to be what life was all about. In almost every movie there is that element of finding “The one”. The end all be all. She will rescue me from this evil world. I will be a better man because of her and life will make sense and be better. My pain of feeling lost and having this emptiness like only half of me was walking around this world would soon be over. She, would become my other half to complete me. But, as the years move on and more men become aware while women gain more and more unnecessary power, the illusion is dying and crumbling to ashes, memory, and sooner or later a old parody that once was each and everyday. I have seen my own mother crying tears of blood as she walked down the aisle to marry my father. She would reveled as I got older that she DID NOT want my father and, only did it because “It was the right thing to do” at the time. I have seen females use marriage as a weapon to plot on what they will gain from the man they are suppose to be “Madly in love” with. I have seen on video women flat out turning down, from what I can tell, good and decent men in front of the world because they felt they can do better. All in all, the fairytale was no longer and never coming back. And more than likely never REALLY truly here to ever begin with.
I slowly came to that feeling. It was just a feeling then until I stumbled upon the site “Solve my girlfriend problems”, and then later on “Chateau Heartise”. These two sites changed my life and made me view women and, just about everybody around me with different eyes. At first though, it was not like this. I had felt like if I dug any deeper in to this “Game” that I would just become another robot. A fake, phony, clown, etc. I would not be a real person. My movements would be similar to a voice recorder. Why do that to myself? But then, as I internalize the concepts I started to realize that no. These men are not “damaged”, “Drones”, “Creepy”, or, whatever else the outside mainstream opinion is. These men have been through the deepest and blackest corners of hell surrounded by pink wallpaper with 90’s R&B songs stuck on a loop and survived to tell about it. They have seen a much more wider view of the world and have a awareness that most men and even most women could never have the honor of seeing. Whether that is good or bad is another story but, overall, these men know the dangers in which sharing your emotions can be and have developed not skill, but a awareness about when and how to show them. To quote Beige Phillip “Real game is no game”
Its not about walking around like a mad scientist holding a extra tightly secured box with your emotions inside of it acting all paranoid no. No. Once these concepts, ideas, and philosophies are not memorized but, BECOME WHO YOU ARE, you have a new understanding about how to rationally deal with women, life, and most importantly, yourself. We understand the caution in letting all of your emotions pour out only to end up hurt. As a Red Pill aware man, its about understanding to never become too attached to anything. Sounds painful from the outside looking in but, is there any other alternative than that? Is there any other way to handle this? The genie is out of the bottle as far as women knowing how powerful their pink magic sword can be. Game was the only logical answer. Even if by some miracle women in the future were now forced to become more respectful as their elders were in the past, we men know that deep down beforehand its just another survival tactic. The genuineness is dead. Love and marriage, which was once known as the ending and beginning for men has now blurred the lines and become a mix between Cosplay and TV show. Guarding your investment is not a answer, at this point, its the only answer. A game plan it will be at first but, sooner or later, it will become you, and become you for the better. Your emotional investment without logic can have you dead and chasing pussy that has had more cocks through it more times than Pork Pig’s stuck his head through the red circle at the end credits. The cartoon is over. Period