There was this time when I was much younger and my mother needed some help bringing in some groceries to the house from the local Stop & Shop near by. There were a lot of groceries and, she called my stolen phone that my father “found off the street” several times in a row to make sure I got off my fat ass to help when she got there. I seen her calls and knew what she wanted yet, I didn’t pick up the phone nor helped her carry the food in the house because, I was extremely busy. Extremely busy doing what you ask? Well, I was in my room with one hand around my penis, and the other hand around my remote ready to turn to the B.E.T channel just in case I was rudely interrupted trying to see if the myth was true about really blind. That’s right. As my mother almost fell down some concrete steps trying to carry more load than she could handle like the latest Bukkee craze in porn, my eyes were glued to the TV trying to see how many times I can make my wrist go up and down like mini me’s film career after Austin Powers movies. The end result of course, always being down. As she came in the house like a tornado thundering threw the whole kitchen upset and screaming my name from her “kissing on another married man without my father knowing” mouth, she yelled my name to help. I , of course with my high pitch Oreo accent due to hanging around more white kids than black people when lynching was the cool thing to do said, “Calm the fuck down I’m coming”. . . . Little did she know though, I REALLY meant that shit. Just like the time my mother came bursting into my room once after she heard and seen my little brother laying on the floor crying. Why was he laying on the floor crying? Well, by accident (I hope) he slipped from my hands and fell on the floor causing a mini thud. I was in panic and went to grab him quickly but, my mother came bursting through the door as if she heard there was going to be a special on weaves and wigs from the local beauty shop and punched me in the arm. My brother would be alright thank god. It was my mother that still gave me the shakes. I went a couple months without eating anything that was soup like from this bitch. I just seen that movie “6th Sense” and remembered that one scene involving the poison to the little girl’s soup. Fuck that I was not taking that risk. I refused to swallow like a aloof virgin school girl that thought sucking dick and nut drinking meant she would get pregnant.
There is also another time in my life in which I was going out with a woman that was a bit off her rocker. Picture a mix of Nicki Minaj raps, Mariah Carey on TRL after “Glitter” bombs, and if you knew her, my mother during her pill popping zodiac Cancer mood swinging days. Yes, I just compared a woman I was fucking with my mother. That Norman bates costume years ago makes sense now in the long run. Anyway basically, this bitch was out of her fucking mind towards the end and told me a lot of things that left me uneasy. Sometimes I was able to brush it off like that time this other chick that friend zoned me told me her and her younger sister once placed plastic bags over their head to try and end their life early. After I heard this, once I hung the phone up with her, I turned on this Kanye West song using my boombox, and finally understood just how crazy my thought process was starting to crumble around that time. The chick this time I was talking to though was even more crazy than the Air Supply groupie that chopped my cock off and left it inside her purse during my grade school years. She would send me photos of her bruised fist from punching the wall because she thought I would leave her and showed what would happen if I did. Other times this brain dead vanilla bitch would threaten to slit her throat citing that she wouldn’t know how to move on without me. Bottom line was she was a prime candidate for being in the sequel of “Girl, interrupted”. One day she went real far and confessed she once thought about hanging herself using her own belt due to being really depressed. How did I response to this once I told one of my friends around the time about what was said to me? Well, when asked how I felt I told him with a complete dead pan expression: “Well, I can see why she doesn’t get invites to parties. She is no fun to hang around it”.
The reason for this trip down memory lane besides for ego purposes and to show how “bitches be crazy” is the story of my life is simply this: Stand by your fuckery. Not too many people would admit to dropping their brothers on their head, picking masturbation over helping my mother from hurting herself badly, and making suicide jokes about broads with a extra hole in their heads but, I did. I did and admit this because I am standing by my bullshit. I am standing by my awful, yet still funny if you have a sense of humor stance on what I did and am not ashamed of it. Why am I not ashamed of it? Because there is no going back. I can’t change what I did and said and that’s just the way the fucking cookie crumbles. I said and have done much worse. like this one time back in grade school when I was walking down the hallway going back towards class, and a mentally challenged kid wearing a bright orange T-shirt was walking passed me and BARKED real loud in my face. He was in a long line of other kids with a disability and was the last one so, he went unseen by the teacher for a second. My reaction of course was shock before I reached my hand out and pushed him away. Which resulted in him almost falling and crashing into the nearby locker. I told this to my friend and he said “Dude what the fuck?” My response was “What? How much more head damage can I do? He barked in my damn face. Do I smell like motherfucking dog food!”
Yes, things like that have happened and, I can’t change it nor would I try to if I can. These things are apart of my upbringing that have lead me to see life with a different alternative. Without it, I may of never been here expressing myself being able to be honest and hopefully one day become a successful comedian. That, and other moments involving my former best friend in the past has helped me let my balls drop. This one time when I was over his house for the first time, we was chilling listening to music and he let out a huge fart. Me, being the sheltered fat bastard responding with “Eww. That is not appropriate”. Yes, I said that back then. I am surprised I have any hair on my balls nor nipples right now in my life. He told me no it wasn’t and laughed at my voice which sounded like I had a dildo stuck up my ass. Fast forward the same day and he told me to get up and come see something. I did and started to smell something nasty. I seen him standing outside the bathroom and pointing at the toilet. I looked in and seen the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen. I at first thought that title belong to my Uncle. At least, that is what my aunts would say after that one time they found out he was smoking crack inside of my mothers bathroom and stole a box of cereal from the top of the fridge. I lean back and said “Eww” again and laughed at him showing me this. He just laughed and was proud of his shit. Looking back on that now, I don’t know if was realizing this but, he was trying to help me break out of my shell and stop being a pussy that walked around in my room in a circle pretending I was Eminem screaming ‘WHITE AMERICA!” He, from that day forward was one of the reasons now I am able to talk more shit and not be afraid to admit certain things without shame nor guilt.
Gary Oldman, Stephan A Smith, Mark Cuban, Floyd Mayweather Jr, and Paul George . All men with established careers and status have all apologized this year for making remarks about issues they felt strongly about and, I am sick and tired of this shit. I am sick to death of hearing apology after apology from men with their own power and money going back on their fucking word just to save face and keep the money rolling in. All of these men had true gut feeling about how they felt and were open and honest about what was on their mind on the time, yet a couple days and even 24 hours later they place their tail between their legs and ran slid back on their word. Fuck that. Everywhere I look I see people force to have to watch their mouth and not seem human anymore. Its all bullshit all around. This PC era has ruined everything from WWE, NBA, and sooner or later NFL due to the recent events involving Ray Rice. Why the fuck can’t these men who have earn their right to say how they feel have to be forced to get their vocal cords ripped apart and tossed in the trash, to be replaced with a automatic voice machine just so the sensitive ass men and females wont get butt hurt? I get its about making sure there money is still intact later down the road but damn. How can I take you serious when you have a fucking leash wrapped around your neck and yanked back any time you step out of bounds? How can I even see you a serious person who has their own thoughts and ideologies when you are afraid to even tweet some real shit? This is why I have no problem with, with Donald Sterling said about Black people and Magic Johnson. He didn’t apologize and had no reason to since he was in his own fucking house. He stood by his word and basically told the NBA to kiss his ass. Yeah, he lost his team in the end but still, at least he kept his word. He said how he really felt and I have no problem with it.
I am a firm believer in anyone that has the balls man or woman to stand by how they feel and not care what the response is. Its a risk that may cost you your job and future connections with people in position of power that can help you, but at least you save face and maintain your value. Its why Dave Chappelle is able to still sell out areas even after walking away from all that money. Yeah, he regrets it a bit years later, but at least he didn’t allow himself to get caught up in the trap of fame just to get more money and sell himself out. His value now in my opinion is more stronger than it has ever been. Sure, his money may not be as long but at lest you know that is him in front of the crowds these days and not just a puppet on a fucking string. My point of all this again is to just stand by how you feel and not change your stance just to please people. In some cases you have to adjust a bit in order to gain some attention and be able to sell your product. Its just the way it is. You have to be able to understand how to relate to everyone in order to have them even care about you. Sure, the stories I told early are about myself and have some ego investment in it but, there is a undertone reason of why it still works and connects to this post and many others on here, because I understand that people want something that has a purpose and meaning which can connect with their lives as well. If I just made the blog solely about me, I doubt I would be able to have any followers give a horse shit about what the fuck I feel. But still, I am not going to to do that to the point my tongue is sliced off and can’t express how I feel due to me trying to gain views on my blog. Screw that noise. I rather die with a cult than have a million people read my blog and later forget about it once I am no longer “hot”.
Stand by your fuckery.