I work with this guy at my job and, he tells me this everyday. Everyday he tells me this is my life. He tells me, without you, the company would suffer for your lost as you are a big part of the company. Or, as my boss told the young kid I talked about in one of my posts weeks ago, I am the “backbone” of the company. He tells me that, I should be happy and grateful to have a job that needs you and wants you. I should be lucky and do everything I can to make sure the work gets done. Despite the fact that the boss expects us to stay overtime and not be paid for it properly. He is a boy scout type of person. He is the type that would be working on a Porn set and stay overtime to wash the clothes of the female Porn stars if it was needed of him. He really believes in the ideology that life has gave him and refuses to see a different alternative. He LOVES being a worker bee and thinks everybody else should. I have said that I am quitting soon from that job and, his response is one of shock and disbelief. He can’t imagine why I would do such a thing to myself because he truly believes this is the best I can do with my life right now. Why take that risk and look for something else where everything is right here. He really feels as if taking a huge risk like looking for something better is a waste because I am needed badly here. Which, he is right in that regard. The people I work with can’t do my job like I can, and don’t put as much effort as I do in the work. If I did leave I believe other people’s jobs would be severely at risk due to me carrying most of the work load. Even my bosses said the same thing while having meetings with me and talking shit about other employees.
Especially since the work load as increase this week past limitations of everyone. This week has been a eye opening experience for me due to that fact. Yesterday and today felt as if the work was never going to get done. Everybody that works on the floor were mad and confused at the many, many changes my boss made. Nobody likes change that much so, its not too far to imagine why they would hate everything switching around, but at the same time the game plan that we usually follow was turned upside down so bad it left people leaving the company to deliver the materials a lot later than before. They work all day and barely have enough time to spend with their kids and wife. Yes, they made that choice with life and knew what they were dealing it. No one is to blame for this but themselves. But, most times when a increase in volume happens there are some benefits for the workers. In this case, it is not. She, my boss, has even told me that her bigger boss has said “All I want is results. That’s it”. The company is only thinking about more money for them. Fuck everybody else and how it gets done. As long as it gets done at a certain time is all that matters. Viewing this today as I was cleaning up everybody’s mess that they left behind due to them not being able to stay and help, I was in deep thought about life and what I was doing with myself.
“This, is your life” kept circling in my head as I cleaned up trash and sorted boxes to the correct stations. I kept hearing that over and over again as my shirt was stuck to my chest covered in sweat and musk. I thought about why I was killing myself so much to the point I could barely walk after it was over. Why was I placing so much effort into a company that doesn’t even give a fuck about me? Why? I mean, if I am being honest, I think its because of what I receive at the job that is not from the job. Respect. I get a lot of respect from people that see me working hard and know that I can run the floor with my eyes close and still do a better job that most. They know my hard work and have given me praise and even acceptance for it. I never talked to any of these people before and tried to engage them in any type of conversation whatsoever, yet, they still knew my name and wanted me to know them. I know we work together only and, its not really a friendship type of thing, but, when I am there with them its a connection. A semi-brotherhood almost that I never really felt growing up. I feel like if I leave that company that sense of my hard work being noticed may never be the same gain. I feel like if I leave what else would I have that makes me feel like I am doing something worthy. Looking at it, its like a hero complex I guess. I love being needed and sought out after for help. Without it, I feel like I will be invisible to the world.
You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain
“Invisible to the world if I am not helping others” That right there struck me today as I finished cleaning up and looking around my surroundings as the bosses inside the main office enjoyed the cool AC laughing and joking about shit they heard on the radio. If I am not helping others I will be nothing more than another brick in the wall to quote Pink Floyd. Staying here is bad, but even going out there and taking that chance of failing is even worse. Worse in a sense that, if I am not super great and add something to the world that will help change lives for the better, than I would have to offer such a negativity to this world that will never be forgotten again. There is no middle ground with that. This blog may never be seen from another person again if I just stopped working on it and moved on to something else. This blog will just be cast away towards the black hole of other blogs that never made it to the next round to achieve more and offer advice for people all around the world. At my job, if I just stay there forever like the guy has basically told me what will happen to me, what exactly would be my legacy though? Hell, how the fuck can I even have one while working at a company in which a very small percentage only knows your name when it comes to the ladder? If I stay there and never move from that spot will people in the future even know I was here to begin with? Looking back on time, why the fuck would my name even stand a chance to be brought up in a conversation when concerning the world? Who is really going to give a damn about what I did for a living when they look back in history as to what happen this year? It would be a very, very, very slim chance in my name being brought up. Especially since it adds nothing of importance. The only way my name would ever be mentioned is if I were to go in my job and turn that place into a modern day St. Valentines day massacre. I am NOT going to do that so calm down. I am just saying that would be the only chance I would have of being remembered.
Because, that is what it comes down to right? I mean, when you REALLY think about it, at least a billion people will go through this world and die to never be remembered again unless they do something great or completely evil. Its why I believe that people see the “Red pill” philosophy of life as a danger to society. If you as a man chose to do your own thing and not offer to be a worker bee to society, you may influence more men to toss out the “blue pill” and not give a damn about helping preserve the hive. But, if you as a man or even a woman decide not to take the “Red Pill” and stay in a “blue pill” world of forced ideas, concepts, and even life plans your chances of not being remembered are still the same. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t. Casey Anthony, Jack the Ripper, OJ Simpson, Son of Sam, Aileen Wuornos, Charles Mason, etc, etc, etc. These people will have a better chance at being remembered before me. These people have killed and tortured people to death yet, when looking back on history, these people will be sought after more and studied about before my name would ever, EVER be brought up when concerning the world at large. Yes, there are great men and women that have done great things for this world that outweighs the list I just mentioned here no question about that. I don’t have to be a murderer to be remembered in time. I can do something great and never be forgotten again. But this other side of the coin exist. There is only two sides to the coin. Nobody gives a damn about what the middle of a coin looks like. Only the back and the front. If I don’t offer something great, controversial, or evil, my life on this planet will be for nothing. It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with being either a great worker bee, or a craze bee that went crazy one day and started stinging everything that moved.
This is not me saying I want attention or fame please don’t see it as that. The “Red Pill” has its great effects but, it also gives you a third eye to see the world from a hidden view that was SUPPOSE to be hidden. We were never meant to become this aware in my opinion. Its too dangerous. I understand why the Government wants to regulate the internet. The world is waking up to the fuckery that has been placed on us for years. Cool I get it. Yet, this world can’t function without its worker bees. Everybody can’t be free. This is why Kanye West and others get backlash to me. Kanye West is not talking about fashion only when he is going on these rants. Its deeper than that to me. Its about you as a human becoming free to do whatever you chose to please. What if he succeeds in doing that though? Then what? How would he ever be able to perform shows if the people that help set up the stage said “Fuck it I’m free. I don’t have to be here right Kanye? I’m out”. The “Red pill” is dangerous because its giving me the eyes to see they are being given bullshit feed to them. But the other side of that is, what? Do your own thing and never offer anything to the world of use. Just fuck a lot of women, do your own hobbies, and never try and please people again? Cool but, in the future you will never be thought about again. “I’ll be dead so what” would be the best answer and, it is a good answer though, how can one at times not look back and say:
“This is it? Nobody will ever know I was here? Why was I here to begin with? Isn’t there a purpose for all this? Or, was one just created in order for me to become anther step for the next generation to climb and repeat the process towards nowhere while old money remains in power?”
I of course can become great. Anybody can as the world tells you. I am just looking at it from the “What if” factor that nobody wants to address. The system isn’t going to get on TV and tell you there is a good chance you will be a failure and not offer anything but taking up space, and stealing air from more important people in the world. It doesn’t make sense in terms of keeping the foundation under the building from collapsing. So they tell you, you can fly all the way to the moon and back if you want. That is the other script they give you besides get a job, make money, buy shit you don’t need, have some kids, save up, and retire. But we all know not everybody can become the star. Someone has to be the customer and buy the product. I believe the system gives everybody a chance to become great while at the same time better their chances at maintaining power and status. There isn’t enough room for a million Malcom Xs, Jay Zs, Eminems, etc. There just isn’t it doesn’t make sense that everybody can’t win. Become the battery or die trying to be the Cellphone. One can’t work without the other. The problem is knowing there is a chance at becoming either. Because whether great, evil, or not its all about what you can do for the ant hill. The best bet is to find your OWN reason for being here while you begin your OWN God mode version of life. Because there is no other purpose besides what you can do for the system, others, and of course, the natural death.