We have this new dude at work that is 18 years old and, without question he is the stereotypical 18 year old to the T. He is very silly, goofy, cares about extremely trivial matters, spoiled, hyper, etc. He has already been late to work twice in his first two weeks at the job. He complains a lot about how hard the work is and can’t wait to leave to go home and rest for his other job. He has already pissed off a lot of the guys with his annoying questions and lack of listening skills. My cousin has tried to train him and guide him around to help better the team and his developing skill set as a whole, yet he refuses to listen. The bosses have already told him that the are trying to replace everybody expect for me and another guy, so it seems like he has no respect for anybody expect me and the other guy which therefore causes him to show any concern about my cousin’s thoughts. He has it in his mind that he will takeover and take my spot, yet from watching him I can see that will be a long up hill battle he has no heart for to try and compete in.

He is not a bad dude he is just young. The bosses have praised me in the back and he has told me the information while also really bigging me up and, ego wise it was cool, but the other side of it was I seen just how young he was even more. It reminded me of me when I was that age and started working at the company. I was just as lazy and nervous as he was. When I first got there, I had took the job of at least two people. They really didn’t have a investment in me, but at the same time they wanted to reshape the company by adding youth. I felt some pressure and I think purposely fucked up so I wouldn’t get many eyes on me. I feel that is what he is doing at times so he can play the fall back game while I put on a show and take care of everything as always. Even today, the trucks were very late and nobody could stay but me. Its amazing how much they depend on me seeing how just a few years ago they used to clown me in the office and had no faith in my skills. 

Anyway, I bring this up because watching the new kid I see just how honest and open he was. He was pure ID with no social skills. I am not saying he is crazy or has no idea how to interact with people. No. He was just today having a conversation with the others guys about who is the toughest rapper currently and of all time. Meaningless and irrelevant when it comes to the internet and Hip Hop these days and we see just how “REAL” these rappers are, yet regardless he was very kid like and flowing conversation wise with a subject that he was familiar with it. What I mean is, he was showing his cards too easily. You can see the rookie and young age oozing out of him. It made me think about how different I am compared to that age. I was having fun with him by saying some random and off the wall shit in a subtle way just to test how bright and quick he was. It flew over his head and he believed everything I said. I remember him this week saying “I have no idea when he is being serious”. Granted, I have heard that all my life but, an adult would catch on quick to spot a person that is just fucking around to get a laugh or break some ice. With this post today I wanted to just make a quick list of the things I have noticed that I do when it comes to interaction and just my actions as a whole. I have this new awareness of myself that honestly I have always had, yet I never really dug deep nor had a reason to until now I got older and seen people for what they are. This awareness also doubles as my jail cell. I like to talk about the system of the world a lot but, I never talk about the system of self.. Everybody dies by their own idea. It doesn’t matter if years later I have a whole new approach to people. I will always remain locked to some type of concept one way or another. To quote Eminem from his latest album and new classic song to add to his hit list: 

Tragic portrait of an artist tortured
Trapped in his own drawings  -Eminem (Bad Guy)

So here is a couple of things that I noticed about myself when it comes to dealing with people, and also the type of code I use overall as a whole when dealing with life.  




When it comes to people, I don’t like to make waves. Not because I am scared, but more so because when you play to what makes them happy and curious all the time, you will get a much easier entry into secrets and little nuggets of their true feelings when they trust you. I have seen the coolest kids in high school from back then at my school the time talk to me in a much more human like way when it was just me and them by ourselves without the pressure of other people watching. Playing to what appeals to people is pretty easy and sometimes fun. They really have no idea of what I am doing because of certain things that makes me seem invisible to the naked eye. This may seem like it would be tiring to do that 24/7 and, for some people it is if you are coming at it from a “playing a game” aspect. By playing a game you are trying to attain a victory in the end. Problem is within this context there is no victory nor prize at the end of the cereal box. Its not a game but more a so code. You don’t hold sand by squeezing your hand. You leave it open and the sand remains in its place. Trying to hold it and control it for you own gain will lead to nowhere. I just let it be instead of trying to find a end. By doing so I gain access to things I never really tried nor honestly cared abut when it comes to their lives. I care but, not in a deep emotional attachment due to me seeing life in a dark and honest way. I mentioned before that people never noticed me doing this because I am invisible. That is of course not true but, in some ways it is to an extent.  



When it comes to staying out of sight out of mind, I like to go with the “Hide in the open” theory. I will sometimes act completely crazy and say the most outlandish shit just to get a rise out of people. Sometimes I would just sit there and not say a word as I just watch the room and enjoy letting others leak out their soul to its capacity. Other times I will talk in a serious way that captures peoples attention about subjects that are relateable and even scary to some. I have many different ways of dealing with people because I seen what happens when you just stay in one frame of mind. People can easily figure you out and know what makes you tick. This may seem like paranoia but, I rather leave people guessing than to let them have a easy access to what I keep private. If you were to ask any of my “friends” from grade school how to describe me you would get several answers. It wouldn’t be just quick result. My female friend would call me boring at times, while my cousin would call me smart and insightful. Others would say I was crazy and need some mental help, or they would say I am a great kid with a good heart that is always respectful and nice. Its all about keeping people guessing. Since grade school I have always been like this. I have always been to myself and never let others get a full glimpse into my life. I just always felt that sometimes you as a person just needs to be left alone. This Facebook era of exposing everything 24/7 was and is something I never understood. Some people will say its “Being fake” what I am doing and, if so fine. I’ll be that fake motherfucker. I just believe that everybody doesn’t need to be in your business all the time. You have to keep a place for yourself to breathe and vent. 



I value my time alone a lot. I am a introvert and we need are space to get away from the world at times. I also enjoy privacy because I feel no need to express every thought and feeling that comes out of mouth. I have my private world where I can just sit and reflect about things on my own without hearing someone else’s views on life. Privacy is a big factor that I think a lot of married and relationship people miss. I am sure they love their boyfriend or girlfriend but, the first relationship you ever had is with yourself as a person. You are always going to be there no matter what. Through the ups and the downs you have always been your best friend through it all. I see a lot of people needing others to feel a sense of who they are as a person and, I could never understand it. Not just women that do that but men as well. I get that you may need someone to talk to when things just become too much to deal with in life, yet at the same I feel that spending some alone time with yourself to shed some tears and get the brain juices flowing would be just as helpful if not more better. I value my privacy a lot because I also think about some dark shit that you really can’t talk to with people about. Not crazy shit like killing people but, in that sense say for instance I would want to have a debate on why is killing seen as something bad? Killing is a term we invented. A animal has no concept of what killing is. Its just, “is”. Sounds bugged out right? Exactly. I keep thoughts like that to myself because I know nobody wants to explore just how deep the rabbit hole goes. I like to be a fly on the wall sometimes and hear what people are talking about. Sometimes it gets deep but, more than likely most of the time its just nonsense that has no real end game. 



 I took some time off from work recently and, when I got back my cousin said he missed me. He said when I am not around shit goes into havoc. They tried to place the new dude in my spot to see how he would do handling the hardest part of the job. The result ended up being him needing help from the guys on the line, AND from my FEMALE boss. No disrespect towards females but, the job that is required to be done is better suited for men. She had no business out there dealing with that. My point is, is that sometimes I like to play a ghost and see how things are from the outside looking in. Continuing,  I always post a new funny or silly post on Facebook every 3-4 months. While everyone is posting about God, babies, parties, boring shit, and etc every second on the hour, I just come out of nowhere and drop some goofy shit in the middle of it all and get laughs and “smh” from everybody. I love adding some chaos in the system when things start to look like repeats. I am not saying that my jokes only work when I am absent. I could drop a silly line everyday and still get a response. The point is, is that by leaving for a while I add value to my name instead of always being around. Eminem and Sade are two artists that can go away for 5 years and still come back out of nowhere, drop album, have it sell well, and create a buzz like that of a new act. The reason being is because they are not seen all the time. It makes it more valuable when they drop a album or collaboration with another artist. Some artists are not gifted to do this but, when it is seen it is sometimes somewhat magical. Its why when Justin Timberlake dropped his new album in 5 years last year as he was making movies and fucking Jessica Biel it was deemed as special when he came back to drop some new music for us to enjoy. He left a great impression when he left by dropping his classic “Futuresex and Lovesounds” in 2006 that, when he went away people begged for him to come back and drop some new gems for the iPod. Ghosting makes people question what are you doing and always without them realizing it that it ironically builds a better connection. If you are always around you no longer stick out and just become part of the wall. By leaving and checking in every now and then it adds mystery and value. It shows that you are not into being caught up in the waves of what is hot at the moment. You are doing your own thing which causes people to be more drawn to you. 


5) LIES  

I will lie to get ahead. Its not really bad lies but, more so to move around without being detected. I used to think lying was bad and to some extent it is, yet as I got older I realized just how much people lied in order to forward whatever situation they was in. I no longer seen it as a bad thing but more so a tool. I will lie in order to not deal with people, gain access to money, knowledge, future investments, etc. Lying is a great tool if it is used right. I can’t lie about being a white male with a 12 inch dick. Sooner or later that lie will come crashing down on its ass. No, but I can lie in ways that will make people trust me more. I tell people what they need to hear sometime so I can get on their good side and gain what I need out of them. This may seemed fucked up and I would agree with you if I have not seen the dark side of humans and what we can do with a little knowledge of self and awareness. I use lying in subtle ways to the point I become invisible like I talked about in my first point. I have seen my own mother, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc lie to my face all the time and get away with it without any backlash. I used to get mad but, now I just see it as a advantage for me to use on them and beat them to the bullshit. I once helped my female cousin moved from her mothers place to her own and was promised 50 dollars for it. Did I get the money? No, and I wasn’t even mad because I knew what she would do ahead of time. Had I not I would of been furious and felt like she was suppose to hold her word. For ego reasons of course but also because “something bad like karma” would happen to her. But, that horse shit is for the birds and worms. The next time she need help, I will simply act like I have something more important to do. I don’t give a fuck if its just me sitting in front of a laptop and spending time with Dani Daniels and Skin Diamond little almond sexy ass. I will lie with effortless grace. Lies are helpful when you need them and there is nothing wrong about using it to your advantage. 




Its risky to display this but, I am just being honest (Or am I?). Plus, I have other tools in my belt that I will keep to myself. These are just the basics I use in order to move through life a little bit more smooth. If you look through this list I am sure you will see that I am not the only one that does it. We all to an extent have or do, do these things every now and then. Its just the way things are. The bad guys just pull the blanket over the shit and trash that the good guys try and cover up.  I have no problem using these tools and many others to move ahead in life. This world was build off the backs of slaves and people’s ignorance as those with the foresight held the knowledge of good and evil being just words. WE, give these words meanings while others see them as just words and advance forward. Some would say “Well what about your soul! Does that matter!?”. To which I say a soul to me only lasts until your mid twenties when reality strikes. What the fuck does your soul have to do with feeding you and your kids? What does your soul have to do with paying that rent and light bill on time? If you are in a bind, you are going to do what is necessary to do to survive out here in this jungle. I’ll be the bad guy I don’t mind. I don’t view myself as a monster. I am simply ahead of the curve. I feel this world is going to get a lot more concrete in thoughts and ideas as we move forward. We are becoming more aware each day of the games ans system that is trying to keep us deaf, dumb, and blind to the fact that we are just human pawns on a chess board. Fuck that. The old way of viewing life dies day by day as more information becomes available. Take advantage before you get taken advantage. Its fucked up but, don’t kill the messenger. I’;ll leave it here with two Jay Z lyrics that perfectly describe this last paragraph and simply this post as a whole. Thank for continuing reading and for all the new followers thank you for adding me. More posts to come soon.  


They say an eye for an eye, we both lose our sight
And two wrongs don’t make a right
But when you been wrong and you know all along that it’s just one life
At what point does one fight? (Good question right?!) -Justify My Thug 




This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
On the, rise to the top, many drop, don’t forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
And through our travels we get seperated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets


As sure as this, Earth is turning souls burning
in search of higher learning turning in every direction seeking direction
My moms cryin cause her insides are dyin
her son tryin her patience, keep her heart racin
A million beats a minute, I know I push you to your limit
but it’s this game love, I’m caught up all in it
They make it so you can’t prevent it, never give it
you gotta take it, can’t fake it I keep it authentic
My hand got this pistol shakin, cause I sense danger
like Camp Crystal Lake and
don’t wanna shoot him, but I got him, trapped
within this infrared dot, bout to hot him and, hit rock bottom
No answers to these trick questions, no time shit stressin
My life found I got ta live for the right now
Time waits for no man, can’t turn back the hands
once it’s too late, gotta learn to live with regrets -Regrets 




Categories: Personal, Writing

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