“Ugh. Why are you playing those damn video games! Why can’t you just grow up and doing something productive! We really need to be focusing on US you know. When are you going to get out and find a REAL job. You know, something more stable that can help US out!? Why do you hang out with those kind of people? They are a waste of time for US. You need to start thinking about our future and what our kids will have to deal with. Why are you such a hard head that always thinks about sex? I am not a damn sex object to you I am a person. You NEED to think about how you want our kids to views us. Do you want mommy to be seen as a whore? Ugh. Put that damn video game down I am talking to you. NO, I don’t know to play that game with you right now. When are we going to move out of here and get a bigger place? Jenny’s boyfriend is getting a bigger place with her. WHY can’t we? Why are we staying in the same place. We need to focus on US. You need to ask my father if you can work for his job. Ugh. You never listen. All you want to do is things that make you happy. What about ME. What about ME? Am I not the most important thing in your life? Don’t you care? Are you still worried about marrying me? Why do I even put up with you. You act like such a little boy its pathetic. You need to grow up sometimes. Why are you dressed like that? You need to wear this it is more presentable. Stop slouching so much and take me out! I want to go out to somewhere I WANT to go. Ugh. You never listen and only care about your needs. You don’t need to look at other women. This is why we don’t have sex now. Why are you always looking at porn? Those girls are nasty and ugly. Ew. Why can’t you just, just, I don’t know, be a REAL MAN!”   



When I was younger, I used to think I knew what being a real man meant. I used to think that being a real man was more related to the Hip Hop lifestyle of being a bad boy that rebelled against anything. I had a friend like that. He would say what he wanted, talk to girls anyway he wanted, grab them in anyway he liked, talked back to the teachers, dress a certain way, etc. I followed behind his every moves because I thought this was how men did it back then. I thought being a man meant I had to be more edgy and not give a damn about anything. I thought I had to beat up people and smoke weed. I thought I had to disrespect my mother and not listen to wise words from older men like my father and uncles. I thought being a man meant being a menace to society. Writing and knocking down stop signs, kicking in adults screen doors, sticking my middle finger up to old ladies, shooting paintball guns at houses, etc. I thought being the cool kid was more important than sticking to my word and keeping my real friends around. I diss my friends I knew since elementary so I can become cooler and more “hard”. I thought not studying for class and making jokes about those that did made me the cool dude. I felt like anybody not following the same process was weird for trying to learn about shit that won’t matter once we got older. As a young kid, I thought I knew what being a man was. I thought I knew everything about life and my parents were just old and couldn’t understand. I thought I was a bad motherfucker. I thought, I was a man.  

Then, I got older and had a new approach to being a man. I thought being a man meant being a doormat for women and everybody around me. I thought being a man meant thinking about others first without even giving a second thought on yourself. I thought my father was lame for not pleasing my mother the way I THOUGHT she deserved to be pleased. I wonder why they were always arguing and sometimes blamed it on my father, because that was the right thing to do. I thought watching movie scenes like this, and a scene like this made me think that older men were wrong and to not be trusted. I didn’t even bother to look at it from their point of view. I thought they were evil because of the reaction the women around me in the movie theater gave while watching. Men were stupid for looking at other women. I thought men were suppose to treat women with with respect 24/7 no matter what. I would hear stories about my mother complaining about my father and thought my father was stupid and pig headed. I heard him yelling at my aunts in a joking matter while they were all talking about something and said “No dad No. They are women they are always right don’t do it”. I thought being a man mean thinking about women first. That was the only thing that mattered. Being a boyfriend and later a husband. That was the most important things. Anything else as my mother would say was “selfish” and “ignorant” while she left me alone in the house with my brother to go out and spend money on the Casino, yet bills would never be paid on time despite the fact that her and my father both had jobs and a steady income. I thought being a man was looking for a girlfriend and worshiping her like the queen that she is. In all the movies I watched, the ending was mostly about finding that one special girl. She would change me for the rest of my life and save me from my little boy misery. I thought being a man was erasing the things I enjoyed to focus on what she enjoyed. Again, I thought I was a real man.  

Fast forward to now and, my views are a lot different. My views on what I thought a man should be are now erased forever. Swallowing The Red Pill and becoming engulfed in this new alternative lifestyle has opened my eyes up a lot more. I thought I was a man once but, I soon seen that I was just following the life of a rapper. From the way I dressed, acted, talked, etc. Sure, its a Hip Hop lifestyle that is not only about rappers, but at the same time what if Rap never became big? How would black people act now? Old and young? I thought I knew what being a man was when it came to that, but learning more about my past and surroundings with the help of blogs, books, wisdom from some others, experience, etc, I am starting to see I didn’t know what being a man was because it never had anything to do with me. Being a man had nothing to do with me because there was a bigger game at play. A game that, I thought I knew, but now realized I was looking at it all wrong. I thought finding a girl that would be my soul mate was the end game. That’s what matters the most. Family, kids, settling down, etc. Yet, I never stopped to asked and wondered how did I come to this conclusion? Was it from me, or was it from other people? Growing up and gaining knowledge, I am starting to see I was living a fragment of my nature, and catering towards a system that only seen me as steps to be used and walked over. The idea of a man was a parody on nature. It had some elements of nature, but there was something more bigger at play. I started to see that men were the disposable sex. I started to see that men were simply tools and pieces on the chess board for a higher purpose. It had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with a higher game in play, and for making her happy. Nothing seemed bad about that at first, but gaining more knowledge has shown me that there is nothing genuine going on from her end. It was more strategy than honesty, yet at the same time it was just apart of her, and human nature as a whole when it comes to survival. Its just how they are. Getting mad at them is a weak move that men use when they don’t want to hear the brutal truth. I did tho. I did, and I wanted more. A lot more. I seen the game about being a man for what it really is. I was being defined by a system and another gender without even a ounce of what I wanted being a thought nor consideration. My eyes were open, ears had a new sound system, and my mouth was now able to be feed from staying open. I felt awake and still do feel awake so, now I ask the question that needs to be ask and talked about. 

Who the fuck gave you the right to tell me what I am suppose to be? Who the fuck are you to tell me how I should act? Why do I have to listen to your advice on MY life if all it is going to get me is a nagging girl that doesn’t believe her own horse whit? How am I going to listen to you about what a REAL MAN is when you get a REAL MAN and end up leaving him because you just didn’t “feeeeel it anymore”. You left a REAL MAN because he was “boring” and predictable. You left a REAL MAN because he didn’t have enough money. Love was not enough to pay the bills. You thought about yourself and what can make YOU HAPPY. You left a REAL MAN because he didn’t please you the right way. Sexual chemistry is one thing, but what I mean is he didn’t do as you asked in the CORRECT way. He had a opinion and you just couldn’t deal with STYLE. It had to be a certain STYLE in how he had his opinion from YOUR approval. His own style was not acceptable. How in the fuck am I not a REAL MAN according to you. Why does it have to be according TO YOU. Why can’t I hang out with certain people? Why can’t I just sit around and not do a damn thing sometimes. I have to accept you for you, but you can accept me for me. Why the fuck do YOU a WOMAN know what it is like to be a REAL MAN. You think our nature is wrong, yet we accept your nature just fine. We are seen as dogs for looking at other women, yet we accept your periods. Its in our nature to look at other women just like its in your nature to have bleed once a month, eat, sleep, shit, piss, etc. A REAL MAN it seems like to you its a good puppy and provider. Even tho sexually that will turn you off, yet you still want that in a man at the same time. The paradox of a relationship. A real man is not defined by you its defined by his point of view. If we don’t look at you sexually and turn you down something is wrong with US? Fuck all that. Maybe we just didn’t want to fuck you. Now we are “gay” and “pussies” for turning you down and not giving you the attention you THINK you deserve because of your gender. Women have a lot more freedom to do as you please in this modern age, yet we as men are still flies stuck to fly paper concepts without a chance to be free. And once we do, we become shamed for it because YOU as a woman are the deciders as far as what is best for a man. If we did the same we are seen as supporting patriarchy  

The Red Pill is not about magic tricks and manipulation. It is about a man coming back to his core and thinking about his needs for a change, instead of thinking about what would make others happy. Fuck that. What will make ME happy. I used to think my father would hate being away from my mother. But now, I see him a lot more calmer and peaceful. Yes, older age, porn usage, and his increase in weed plays a part too, but back then my father was miserable as my mother was. The dynamic was off because the game of how relationships are is a fucked up one. A man follows the path of the women and ends up getting burned for it. Why? Because he never defined himself and had a set of rules to go by that went against how he really felt. The Red Pill and listing to other men share details and different ways of not only dealing with women but life as a whole has shown results of  happier marriages and relationships. Another way of viewing life instead of following a women’s “How to be a REAL MAN” handbook has helped more men seek and find their core again. The core that made her even attracted to them to begin with. Once he falls for the her rulebook she regrets it in the end because he basically becomes a prop in her show. Now of course you say

“Well, how are you a REAL MAN, yet you are using this Red Pill nonsense has a guide? Isn’t it defining you???”

No, this is simply a map. The Red Pill is on the same level as fire, water, trees, grass, etc. It is more in tuned with nature. It is not a magic pill that will solve everything. No one is forcing me to use it. No one is telling me I have to do this or else I will die. What I do with this knowledge is up to me. But just because I don’t want any part of it doesn’t mean I am excluded from the consequences. I rather be more prepared with a gun in a shoot out than to leave everything in God’s hands to block every bullet off me. This quote from The Rational Male has helped me understand that fact. It helped me see that this was not cult like. It was simply a map that was here. Whether I used it or not didn’t matter. I was going to deal with the bullshit of life in regards to the map whether I took it or not. The people that came before me just decided to help me with a compass in the forest as I make my long travel in life:

The truth will set you free, but it doesn’t make truth hurt any less, nor does it make truth any prettier, and it certainly doesn’t absolve you of the responsibilities that truth requires. One of the biggest obstacles guys face in unplugging is accepting the hard truths that Game forces upon them. Among these is bearing the burden of realizing what you’ve been conditioned to believe for so long were comfortable ideals and loving expectations are really liabilities. Call them lies if you want, but there’s a certain hopeless nihilism that accompanies categorizing what really amounts to a system that you are now cut away from. It is not that you’re hopeless, it’s that you lack the insight at this point to see that you can create hope in a new system – one in which you have more direct control over.   



I don’t need a woman or a system forcing me into dying old ideology that never had my TRUE interest at heart to begin with. I will chose my own path and let the game of illusion of choice guide me until I am in the grave and forgotten about. The system they want to be apart of was never about love. It was about survival and control for both parties.  The definition of a real man by the system and women has lead to build society, but the definition of a real man today  by others as myself and the The Red Pill world could cause the downfall of society as well. Its a no win situation. But, at least hopefully towards the end I will die watching my favorite TV show instead of what the world’s favorite popular TV show is at that time.  



Categories: Personal, Writing

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