There was a recent personal incident that happen with me this month. It involved a couple people in my life that I know very well. Some things have been changed to protect the “innocent”, but overall the story itself remains. A female friend’s aunt was a bit drunk at a July 4th party way before the party truly began. As she was drinking, she was around my female friend’s boyfriend and began to say some rather nullifying and and secluded personal matters that should of been kept from him. It was issues about the couple’s relationship and what goes on behind closed doors. Women as you know say one thing to their man and other things to people that are closer to them (Ex. Friends and family). One of the remarks involved his manhood being in question and why he hasn’t stepped up to be more than a prop in my friend’s life. This of course upset him but, he remain gracious and smile along. I know this is true because I didn’t see any fighting going on while I was outside or inside. Later in the night he is telling about this and also asking if I heard anything. I simply said women talked but I mostly ignore it. Its none of mu business. Which of course implied that she was talking about him. He had no idea about this. As we were talking on the steps in front of their apartment together, she pulls up and walks towards us hearing what the conversation and says that, that is what the aunt does and to basically let it go as if that was the only thing to talk about. The fact that issues about what was going on behind closed doors being exposed to family, friends, and even c0-workers at work was not of concern whatsoever. Now, I know about the issues and understand my friend’s situation, yet at the same time it is none of my business to continue to pry for more info. If it is told to me I will listen. Other than that, I feel uncomfortable talking about another man’s problems when he isn’t there to defend himself. From what he was telling me, he provides very well for my friend and states that it would be hard if he was not around to help her and their son. I think this Chris Rock quote fits perfect into what he was saying:
A bunch of girls think that you don’t need no man to raise no child… shut the fuck up with the bullshit! Yeah, you can do it without a man, but it don’t mean it’s to be done! Shit! You can drive a car with your feet if you want to; it don’t mean its a good fucking idea!
As I told him goodnight and went my way I started to understand something that I eluded to in my “The Invaders” post a while back. I stated that if you aren’t playing their game to make them happy that you are simply becoming a prop in the relationship. You become what every other guy means to her outside of sex, commitment, family, and friends. To add more layers to that, if you are not about to keep the frame while at the same time maintaining the reality that we as men create for them then, you had simply better know your place and enjoy your position in her life in the context of the relationship. If you won’t take the lead, she most certainly will. My friend basically did that during the conversation me and her boyfriend were having. “So what I talk about you with my friends or family. Your focus should be on money, your son, and me. I will then decide if your manhood is good enough to stop questioning it”. It was not said in such blunt terms but that is the jist of it. If you are not about to play the game, you will either be tossed out or find a understanding to stay in your place and hush. Whether financial, emotional, or sexual.
“DONNIE BRASCO, GHOSTS, AND IMAGINARY PEOPLE”
In the first above video you see this play out on the emotional side of things. Yes, she was furious about her laptop crashing and took her anger out on him, but if you have any history with the show (Like I do. Yes, I will admit it) Simply put, the man in that video was playing the game from a Donnie Brasco level of commitment. He, like all men believe that speaking and acting as women want you to will benefit them in the long term. Yes, it will, but only if you understand its not really a movie and that there is a lot of behind the scenes actions that you need to be aware of. Too much machine and you run the risk of boring her by not being able to balance it out properly like a good boy.
Look at her reaction in the 2nd video. He brought her ring stating that he is ready to commitment to her for the rest of his life. Her reaction? To barf and tell her friends how ridiculous the ring is. She used the fact that the ring was not up to par, but its pretty obvious that she did not want to marry this man. He, had became Donnie Brasco in the relationship instead instead of truly being himself. Again, sounds confusing right? I say play their game and do what will make her happy, but as you can see in both videos above that, that doesn’t work whatsoever. So, what is a man to do? If he plays their game to perfection he loses, but if he doesn’t there is no chance he will gain access to her life. If a man is not doing a balancing act between being dominant and submissive he will end up like my female friend’s boyfriend and have ANOTHER role offered to him. The key word is other, because the first role a man plays is still dictated by them. Think about it, why do men do what they do in the first place? Whether its try to gain more money, better clothes, shoes, learn PUA techniques, etc, the main goal is to get the attention and approval of women. It all revolves around back to her. Its in our nature as men of course but, why? Why does a man have to perform a role in order to gain access to a woman? Why can’t he simply be himself? I’ll use this quote from The Rational Male to further explain more:
No, she didn’t deserve a high SMV alpha. No, she didn’t deserve a man who treats her like a prize. She might be able to get those things on the open market, but that doesn’t mean she deserves them. The term “deserves” suggests worthiness. Others decide what we’re worthy of and have earned on the open SMV market.
We do not confer worthiness on ourselves. We are worthy only to the extent others deem it. From a sexual standpoint, a man “deserves” only that which women decide he deserves in the SMP. From a commitment standpoint, a woman “deserves” only that which a particular man is willing to give her based on her “worthiness” as he deems it to be.
It’s not useless parsing; it’s very important to understand in terms of how intersexual relationships work.
Moreover, a woman isn’t entitled to a high SMV alpha male in the context of a marriage, nor does she deserve one. The marital contract entails the following from a traditional standpoint: Man is obligated to protect and provide for the woman and her children. Purpose: to keep woman and children safe and to preserve the species. Woman is obligated to give the man exclusive sexual access to her body at reasonable intervals. Purpose: To free up the man to pursue his mission so he doesn’t have to think about sex; to allow him to attend undistracted to the protector/provider role; and to give him reasonable assurances that the children born of the marriage are his, such that his resources are not wasted.
There’s nothing in that arrangement that says the man has to be a high SMV alpha male, or earn six figures, or have a chiseled physique or a V-shaped torso, or spit lots of competent Game. There’s also nothing in that arrangement that says the woman has to have 38D breasts,, a .7 waist hip ratio, or be the man’s preferred female specimen of feminine beauty. -The Rational Male (Male Space)
This is one of my favorite comments. I love when comments, blogs, experience, etc opens my eyes more to the red pill way of thinking. It open my eyes more because I realized something besides the fact that both men and women were playing games. You see, the idea of HER has nothing to do with the real complete side of who she is as a person. Same with a man. The idea of both what a girlfriend and boyfriend are SUPPOSE to be contradicts what a human is. In movies, TV, books, etc they show the flaws of both sides but overall its still a role that demands something at least close to perfection from both sexes. In the women’s case tho, the reason why it demands even more perfection stings a bit more. It goes back to the caveman days as I eluded to here . You see, the reason why a man has to play a certain role is because he is competing with ghosts and imaginary people. The bottom line, you are competing with history. You as a man and who you are don’t matter. Its what you represent. To quote R&B star The Weeknd:
She ain’t looking for that unconditional
What the fuck these bitches on
They want what I’m sittin’ on
They don’t want my love
They just want my potential
Simply put, you are not her first option. You are a inspiration for settlement from another man’s pain.
“KNOW YOUR ROLE”
As much as we hate it as men, the simple fact is, is that there were men before us when it came to our women. They did and show her things that would probably make you not want to even consider her girlfriend material if you heard about it on a first date. This man was her everything before you came in the picture to fill that role as a replacement. But even before him the root of man is still dominance. The idea of what a boyfriend is, is still based from that idea. The man that came before her was able to encompassed that with greater detail. Of course there were more men as well but, those were only flashes and samples of what she wanted in a man at that certain point in her life. The full view comes into picture once its time to settle down. “Nice guys always wins last” comes into play at this point. That is the role you will fill. You are a idea based off another man’s pain that he gave her. The ups and downs she received from him will never be seen in genuine form when it comes to you. You are just filing a role that is her best option in that moment.
I have been on both sides and seen the difference. One reason I was even going out with a woman was because I reminded her of a ex boyfriend that mentally had a house, pool, small business, and even a couple of dogs inside of her head and heart. Even while pregnant with another man’s child she was still calling her ex to rub it in his face as if it was a game. I have also seen what its like for a woman to e deeply in love with me and seen how she reacted much different to other men after small breaks between us. What she wanted in him was a reflection of me. He, at that time was filling a role until we got back together. The root is still from the cavemen days, but to use a video system analogy again, the stories and history from a ex lover represent the colors that complete the Playstation 4. The model and hardware is still the same just with more upgrades to better compete for the modern time. With that understanding you will have more pragmatic eyes to see what is coming instead of being surprise at the outcome of what your SUPPOSE to do.
Her past will be hard to shake off, but with new eyes you can see what she likes and doesn’t likes and understand how to shift it around until you become her new focus. All the man from her past did was follow his masculine root and excreted it instead of trying to play the female game that he was TRAINED to do. All you now have to do is follow that code while adding you as the star of the movie this time. Her past will always be a factor as long as you don’t bring your A game in the present. It may seem like you are a dancing clown at first but, as I did with the many blogs I have been reading for a couple years now you’ll start to see that it become internalized in you. Because honestly what other option do you have? You become too deep in the game and you’ll lose yourself and her as well. Its about balance but is also about adding more tools to your approach. Don’t always get mad at her. Once you do, it becomes the norm and you become predictable. Play the role she wants with a amused mastery always. Always have that balance going at all times. Even when she tests you in front of friends playfully or by yourself. Act as if she is being silly and rub her hair around figuratively, or literally then continue to stay in your zen like zone as a man. Only use anger in moments. It will break her reality and see that you are not afraid to rock the boat any time. In time, you then add more info about you but still maintaining a focus of not becoming too entrapped in a Donnie Brasco like moment.
“DON’T HATE THE PLAYER”
Like I stated here in this recent post, I wish I can still believe in fairytales and that God has a planed for me but, the fact remains its simply not true. What I want in life is something that ME and ME ALONE will have to work hard to get. People will help me get to the door, but the end result of what happens after I open it and walks through will be all on me. Its just how the game goes. This and many other posts I have done may sound like me being manipulative but, its the only way this will work out for not only me, but her as well. it may seem like men are not running some type of game but they in reality they are. Every man. It doesn’t matter if its the nice guy angle or the jerk angle, All men are running a script trying to get some. And, if it goes further than just sex, the game still continues as a husband in order to create a reality that makes her happy. I am simply calling it as it is. What is the difference between this and better preparing yourself for a hard test you have to take in collage? What is the difference between this and studying the booklet before you had to take your driver’s exam? Everything is a game that needs to be studied and mastered to have better results. If that is a problem then quite frankly I don’t know what to tell you. You can keep having blind faith and drop as many pennies in a well as you wish. Its not going to change that past due bill or the fact that your girl or man may cheat on you. To quote and end this post with Jay Z:
City of sin, it’s a pity on a whim
Good girls gone bad, the city’s filled with them
Mommy took a bus trip, now she got her bust out
Everybody ride her, just like a bus route
Hail Mary to the city, you’re a virgin
And Jesus can’t save you, life starts when the church end