There is a lifestyle entitled BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism). It is something everybody at this point is familiar with in the mainstream with videos like this, and of course books like this. It deals with a darker side of relationships that delves more into the mind than the body. Yes, you have whips, chains, handcuffs, paddles etc that are apart of it, but to only see it at that level is missing the point of the culture and lifestyle. Its not about sex really but more so playing around with emotions and the brain. Pain, control, freedom, and pleasure are the main elements of BDSM. Controlled pain and being able to let loose and be free is one of the best pleasures for both man and woman. There is also Femdom for men that is apart of the lifestyle as well that deals with women dominating men. The point is a woman is seen as submissive and the weaker sex physically. So for a woman to be in control and dominate a much stronger man is the taboo that hooks men to the scene. BDSM is about reaching pass what is deemed normal and mainstream and digging into parts unknown that most people would not want to reach because it is not “right”. Some see it as only a way to spice up a stale relationship that has come to a complete stand still and needs a boost of adrenaline. Which is nothing wrong with that yet, there are real life BDSM couples that make this a true lifestyle and live it out daily. They are committed the the rules and dynamics of the culture and still able to live regular lives. Some men and women just arrange meetings to meet their Dominants to either be dominated for a couple hours before being sent off back to the “real world”. They build a solid relationship with their Doms that are sometimes more stronger than what their wife or husband can give them. There is a lot more information on the culture and lifestyle that is much boarder than you can imagine but, what I wanted to focus on is the “Vanilla” side of relationships. These people are the ones I mention early as the people that see the BDSM lifestyle as just something that can’t be played out 24/7. Yes, the people involved in BDSM are not immune from the everyday problems that vanilla people deal with. Bills still have to be played, emotions play a factor, and other countless things are involved that would make being 24/7 BDSM difficult. Its hard to practice D/s (Dom & slave) at your daughters PTA meeting and not embarrass her for the rest of her school year, or, a wife dominating her husband over the phone while he is in a meeting with his boss. There are limits. Sure, it can be done and I am sure has been done but, there are still limits.
Looking more into tho I see just how much games and role playing plays a part in both sides of relationships. This is not a 100% BDSM post but the elements involve with that lifestyle do play a part between man and women whether they are a vanilla couple or not. BDSM is just showing what it really is in a more raw and truthful way. Females loved to be dominated and feel a strong masculine presence in their man. Yes, you have Feminism that will tell you otherwise and say it should be a healthy relationship based on equalism but, the fact remains women love strong men that can invade the game and keep a firm frame. Their are men that love a strong woman as well but, sometimes the end result isn’t as great as a strong man that commands the relationship. BDSM is on the same level as porn and prostitution. Its just showing the other side of the illusion that we are trying to keep going in a more honest way. In the above clip from one of my favorite TV shows “Mad Men”, Don’s wife wants the building to be blown up and be taken by Don. She just doesn’t want to tell him that is what she wants. Don soon figures it out and has rough sex with her on the carpet. It was something different between the two that was away from the norm. The build up before before hand was about some fight that occurred that was the used as foreplay later. This scene displays what I am trying to say. Games are apart of any relationship whether we want to admit it or not. The other side that involves candle light dinners, watching movies, cute pet names, holding hands, etc are great and healthy for relationships but its not the whole truth. Hoping it will stay like that is a risk for both men and women. We as humans get bored and need some chaos to happen sooner or later. I talked about this briefly in my post called “Don’t Netflix your Penis” about how women need some chaos in the relationship so it doesn’t become plain and organized. I want to also add that there is a even deeper aspect to that and that is games. Games not only men but women must play as well in order for a long term relationship to maintain strong. Sometimes it can lead down a dangerous path that may end up destroying a relationship. If so, you have to take your lost and just embrace the fact that you took it past its normal limits. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t. Its all about the experience, wisdom, and knowledge you gain from it that really matters. What is deemed “normal relationships” in my view are really the crazy ones. Its why older couples become eager for open relationships later in their life. Why stay chained down by society rules instead of making your own. You have to create your own path in life and do what makes you happy. Even if it means you have to get a little dirty to do so.
“WHEN ITS LOVE IF ITS NOT ROUGH IT ISN’T FUN”
I remember a long time ago I had a very interesting reaction occur from my then girlfriend after I ask her a weird “what if” question. I had no purpose behind it other than to see what she would say. I hadn’t figure it out back then that I have a love for chaos and stirring shit up just because. I love to even play devil’s advocate just for the fun and push the limits of the topics The question I asked was “What would you do if I died?” We had been going out for a while so a question like this would spark a emotion instead of a simple “Um, idk” response that a brand new boyfriend would most likely deal with. Her reaction was actually no reaction. She didn’t say anything and completely dogged the question. I could of pushed more out of her and kept poking until she came (Pun intended) clean but, back then I was a well behaved boy that felt lucky enough to have a girl in my life. I wasn’t about to rock her boat like I should have done. Days later I asked her why she didn’t say anything and simply said “I don’t want to even think about that. That is not fucking funny or cool. Just drop it alright please. Don’t bring it back up”. Now, back then I took that as she must really like me. But as I look more into into I seen that it was a element of game playing that I was doing. I had broke the reality for a bit and as much as she hated the question she actually loved it. Its no surprise that we became even closer then after that question. No, we didn’t last but that was due to too many beta habits on my part and, she was more ambitious than I was at that time and couldn’t stand still wondering like I was. But in that moment it struck a cord in her that was one of pain and sadness. Before then it was nice and sweet but soon enough she would test my dominance and I would fall flat. With that question tho, I manage to to touch a nerve and tap in her brain a bit. Looking back I can see that she wanted me to ask more questions like that and display masculine actions that related to that feeling but, I just couldn’t put two and two together. That was another reason why that very hot and short piece of ass went bye bye and move on.
Fast forward and recently with a brand new awareness I tried the same thing out on a female “friend” just because I wanted to, and also to see just how serious she would consider it. My intentions would never ever want this to happen. That is something I would never even attempt because I emotionally have someone that is extremely invested in me. I just wanted to see what the outcome would be. I never had any plans to actually do this and never will. Unless of course the little demon spawn was doing its best to mock Chucky’s actions. Knife, murder, human sacrifice, and all that other scary shit. Basically, during a conversation something came up about a woman giving up her kid just so she can be with a man. She said she would never do that for any man whatsoever no matter what. Hearing this, I sat for a minute on the phone and waited. Then, I said “Nobody huh?”. Knowing me she said what do you mean by that. I of course push more in a subtle way and said “nothing. Nevermind”. Fast forward in the conversation and tears are flowing out from her on the other end of the phone. I kept saying I didn’t mean what I said in anyway. I actually didn’t but, she just kept poking and asking me in that time why I said “nobody huh”. We have build a strong connection so her emotions make sense. In a new relationship that was just starting out I would of gotten cussed out and broke up with in less than 20 seconds. This relationship tho had strong old legs that needed a rest. She kept asking me more and more why I said what I said. But it was in a way like “Would you really want me to decide? Because…. I will, kinda of think about it”. I know she never would but, in that moment that was the vibe I got from her. I could just pass this off as a woman with a strong attachment to me and call it day. With her tho, she is the type that loves the pain. Same with the other woman I talked about. They both loved the pain and wanted more of it. Maybe I am attracting the wrong women or, maybe there is just some deep seated root for pain that keeps us coming back for more.
Yelling, arguing, physical fighting, verbal fighting, etc. These are things I go through with every woman in my life. I could be the blame (I am) but also when I am not trying to poke a stick (Pun intended again) at them I am usually calm and relaxed. Even boring to a point. When I do that, the women I am involved with almost seem to pounce on me and want to start a fight just because. It can be over something so small and trivial and the claws would come out. I laugh inside as I see it play out but, outside I play the game and go through it with them. Its a constant game that never stops and, as much as I hate it sometimes I understand it. It keeps me on my toes as a man so I don’t slip it and get too comfortable. If anything she is helping me out so I don’t lose her and embarrass myself. At the same time tho she knows what she is doing as do I, and its one of the reasons she loves me for it. If I wasn’t playing the game properly I wouldn’t have her with me. Hell, if certain men wouldn’t play the game as well as they are suppose to the birth rate would be even more worse than it is now . Women will still be pregnant of course but, the motivation behind it would be one of arrangement and social pressure than actual arousal and emotions thrusting it forward. After you as a man pass the test of gaining her attention that is where the hard work truly begins. Or, if you “get it” and know what needs to be done it goes from hard work to practice. The game doesn’t stop because the Facebook status change. No. the level of difficulty just increases
As the latest clip from above from the 90’s movie “Def Jam’s How to be a Player” details the dynamics between men and women in a subtle and coded way, the man named “Uncle Fred” hints at it for a brief second that a women is a player herself. Watching this when young I had no idea what he was talking about. It was coded and way over my head to comprehend. Many many years later and it sounds as easy as reading the lyrics to the latest hit Pop record. Only with MUCH deeper content than Miley Cyrus and deliver. Anyway, a woman is a player herself. She wants to enjoy the show but she knows good and well what is going on. She just doesn’t want to tell you about it because to her, it ruins the magic in their eyes once you start explaining the rules. Examples like this, and this one here from a modern day Vine video shows you women are aware of the strings they are pulling on the men they are either with, going to be with, or want to avoid and just use them when needed. Some games I see women pull are the texting with a “old friend”, withholding sex, arguments over pity stuff, girls night out, telling you about someone who was flirting with her at work, etc. I have seen and heard stories from men who fail victim to these traps and dive head first inside by getting mad, possessive, jealous. needy, etc. Reacting in this way is the exact opposite of what she is trying to get from you. Yes, a woman who is constantly doing showing these actions are trying to tell you she wants to either move on, or is trying to play you just for fact you won’t stop it and loses respect for you. My cousin was telling me about a guy who allowed a his woman to go on a date with my my cousin IN THE BACKYARD of his and her house while he watch the kids inside. Yeah, brutal. He should of came outside and snuffed my cousin in the face but, nothing. She knew he wouldn’t do anything and continued on as if nothing was wrong.
That is a example of it no longer being a game and her just trying to test your manhood until she loses complete respect and finds a stronger source. But more than not she wants you to ignore it. Tricky but let me explain. By you reacting you show her that your confidence isn’t strong enough to deal with her. Sometimes a woman starts a argument to test how much the man loves and cares for her, and also to see how much weakness is inside of him. Once she sees that, the arousal and attraction will begin to fade as she continues to pounce until you fight back. The best way to handle all of these “Shit Tests” besides checking out that link to that site and may others I am sure you can find, is to also laugh it off and let her do it. You want to go out? Fine have fun. Not in a angry way but, more aloof and natural as if you are too busy to care. Someone flirted with you at work? Its about time. I was beginning to think you lost your touch. Want to keep texting your ex? Okay cool. Ask him if he wants to come over so we can compare notes. Etc, etc, etc. She will get “mad” at you and maybe even continue to push. Let her. Its apart of the cat and mouse game. Granted, if things get too far showing some controlled anger will also entice a response out of her that you will be grateful for. That response will seem like a Cheescake Factory cheescake compared to a Family Dollar mini boxed in cake when comparing it to the candle light dinners, pet names, cuddling, etc. Those things are great but they need balance from the dark side in order to maintain some mandatory balance. To push it even a step further into red zone territory, start playing some games yourself. Flirt with another woman, show signs of cheating, withdraw from her, don’t answer her texts right away, don’t always be around, talk with other women on social networks, etc. These risky but needed as well. It may burn a relationship to the ground if it is pushed too far, or if she sees you are trying and not actually being genuine. Plus, if you came in the relationship as a nice guy then its going to be harder to convince her you have options. Even if that is true still play the game and act as if you will get more options. Don’t settle into her idea of who you are. Once she does the movie is over and she is ready to move on to another movie theater and new plot to sink her teeth into.
“YOU MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE!”
I understand this will come off as me being a manipulative man who is trying to cut corners to get pussy and play with a women’s head. That is far from the truth. I understand the balance I have to perform to perfection as a man in order to keep the relationship strong. Which means I know what can help women out as well. It may seem like I am team Man but, in reality I am for both. I said I love to play the game as well and I mean it. The above paragraph shows some things women will pull in order to test you, yet it doesn’t say anything about completely stopping it dead. Its no way that will happen. Even one of the women from this horrible kidnapping was on Dr.Phil telling her story and a prompting a new book. Her Stockholm syndrome didn’t last too long as she seems to be in much better spirits than she once was in. I of course don’t know how she is really doing. That is something she must always deal with and her condition is maybe more worse than I realize. Yet on that show she seemed to be much happier than I am sure she was a year ago. As I said it doesn’t stop and never will. I have learn to just laugh inside as I watch the women I am with roll the dice and pick up the next card for the twisted inverse style of truth or dare. I enjoy seeing guys flirt with my women and her responding. Its fun and exciting just as it was when this whole flirting thing started out with us. Its how it starts out for every man and woman. The back and fourth “Tom & Jerry” or “Wile E Coyote &The Road Runner” catch me if you can game is what made you want her or vice versa to begin with. She had options and so did you. It was a race to see who would give in first. The problem is as we move forward in relationships we tend to forget that and turn the dynamic into a big business. Its why the WWE product is suffering today. Vince McMahon is comfortable with stale story lines and easy to follow “logic” so he can sell to family and kids. The older fans like myself have been cast aside to keep the money flowing WE helped make for them.
So no I am not trying to manipulate my way into some panties easier and play with a women’s head. That is far from the truth. I am just calling it like is and enjoying the chase. Women and men should understand its a show and act accordingly to it. Open relationships, hall passes, act but don’t tell, rough sex, arguing foreplay, etc are all things that make the relationship nervous and exciting like you once felt in the beginning. Problem is we take it way too serious and lose focus on the fun. Of course, if you push it too far you may really end up hurting someone you really care about so, make sure you know the individual and how they are before you go this far. If not and you still want to do this without them enjoying it as much, just expect a break-up or even worse consequence. Whether its lovely dovey or passionate yelling and fighting its all one in the same. The dark side of the game is to yang to the ying side of it. Just remember its not so serious and to have fun poking that angry relationship dog with a stick sometimes.