Philosophical

THE EQUIVALENT OF SUICIDE

 

I am not a religious man whatsoever. I could never find a reason nor purpose to become engaged in it like a great majority of people in this society. Even as a kid my view on God was that he was just a man that was watching over me along with Santa clause. Had I been more aware and in tuned with my comedy skills, it would of been a great time to say I understood what it felt like to be a slave and have white people looking over me to see if I was doing bad. My aunt I remembered gave me a children style book about Jesus and the many things he did during his time. It had a lot of pictures and, I was going to read it and see if I could be adult and get some cool points with my mother but, WWF at the time was in its golden era and, my attention spam was in Vince’s hands. Fast forward and my views on religion have stayed the same. Sure, Joel Osteen on Sundays is always a treat to listen to, to restart your mind and get ready for Mondays, but, I just couldn’t dive in head first. I bring up that man because I found and watched him during a time in my life when I was really confused about life, women, family, friends, etc. I was in a semi-depress state and just happened to find him one day talking about life and the many challenges it throws at you. Yet, for even being in a weak state of mind, I was still not connecting with his message deep enough that I wanted to go the church Sundays. Yet, the message did interest me enough to want and go check out a Bible. I had this moving job a couple years later and was helping put together a bed for a older couple and spotted a Bible under a stack of books. Yes, this should not be my first interaction with a Bible but, I juts had to read it and see if I can find some more cool quotes and wisdom. So, as much as I am shame to admit this, I stole the Bible from the old couple and left their house unnoticed.  I gave it a read and did the best I could to start to connect the dots about life a lot better but, I just couldn’t do it. Looking back, I take it as me not understanding the undertone of the words and instead took everything at purely face value. It was all scrambled and hard to understand for my brain expect for one part in particular.

The first couple of pages that dealt with Adam, Eve, the snake, and the Tree of Knowledge. Those couple of pages always stood out to me but I just couldn’t place my finger on why they did. Years later as I write this I revisited those pages with a fresh pair of eyes and new mindset on life. My interpretation of it may make it into a future post once I am able to organize my thoughts clearly and readable on it, tho, one thing I will share is what I view those verses to mean to me. You see, I look at it as God being nature. Nature is basically telling Adam and Eve not to go and search for something that is not there. Just enjoy life for what it is instead of what it could be. By doing that you will end up in the longest maze of your life with no real concrete prize at the end. Just the idea and promise of one.  Of course, they didn’t listen as the snake slither its way to eve and, in my view of it no so much manipulated her but, made her aware of an alternative. You see, I see it as the snake saying “Look. God is right. You will waste your time if you eat from this tree but, so what? Have the ability to make YOUR own choice instead of living by nature rules”. By him doing this to Eve, it simultaneously helped and hurted us. Yes, we would of never been able to have all of the things and options we do now if we all listened to God and just  stayed in our nature, but at the same time we would of never been aware of what could be.For every good thing there are ten times more worse things that have happened on Earth. Nature, God, the snake, Eve, etc are not to blame for this. I see the only blame in the direction of having too much awareness. Nature was just telling us what was going to happen, the snake was giving us a choice, and Eve could not be blamed due to having no understanding that what she was hearing was bad subjective wise. Awareness then is the real problem here that we as humans will never be able to escape. What other options did we have? From a reality based stand point someone came along whoever it was and created structure for us. It may have been one of the apes or some other being outside of this planet. Who really knows. That person without knowledge of foresight into the future was the building blocks to our prison of life that we had today. But again, what choice did we have?  Listen to God and just stay still? What about the floods, tornadoes, protection for kids, cures and medicine for sickness, etc? It would of been just chaos as the animals would of ran amok and remained the dominate species as they wiped us out.  There was never a place for us. We MADE ourselves become separated from animals mental and ideally wise but we couldn’t and never will escape natural law. This was bound to happen but at the same time never meant to happen. Nature and the snake represented both sides of the same coin. One side was just letting us know that at least have fun until nature’s victory comes knocking on your door. We are the greatest mistake in the history of the solar system.

Which brings me to Rock musician and Icon Kurt Cobain. Here was a man that had everything in the mid 90’s. Fame, money, power, status, options, women, fans, appreciation for his work, etc. He was revolutionary in making grunge Rock popular in the mainstream. He represented chaos to the system in its rawest and pure nasty core. He was a shark in the middle of a pond. He simply stood out and was way too hard to miss. He as it seems was a man that had it all yet, he still wasn’t happy. So unhappy that he unfortunately committed suicide on April 8, 1994 in Seattle Washington. How can this be? Here was a man that had achieve the american dream and yet still checked out early on life. Why was this the case after doing what you was suppose to do in life? Well, as I look at it I seen a man who had become hyper aware of the reality that no matter what he gained external wise he still had to live with himself internally. We as humans can buy as many things as we can afford but, at the end of the day we still have to go home in that bed and lay with ourselves at night. Yes you may have a wife or husband next to you but, they won’t always be there for the times your thoughts creep inside of you. They can’t just go inside and make it all feel better. You by yourself have to deal with certain things on your own. Kurt and me our not friends or related so I can’t really say I know exactly why he did what he did. But, when you pull back the layers its hard not to notice that he seemed like he was living a life that was not doing anything but making things worse. He was just now living it in front of the world with no place to really hide for long periods of the time. Its hard not to see quotes like this: 

When we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. 

 

And this: 

 

I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out then to fade away. 

 

 

And think what I am saying isn’t somewhat close to the truth. Those words were from his suicide letter that was addressed to his imaginary friend Boddah. It was read by his wife Courtney love in front of his fans. It was very sad day and I am sure devastating for her and his fans. I have no doubt that his fans wondered “Why would he do this? Why would he want to leave?” And, to that I say. Why not? What did he do that was wrong? Apologies in advance. I am not trying to make a bait post to shock and gain views, nor am I trying to disrespect this man’s legacy but, what I am doing is looking at things from a different view. Yes, leaving behind his daughter and wife is bad and, I can see why that would make him want to stay but, on a more boarder level from his view and mine, what exactly did he do that was so wrong? Kurt Cobain seen that life’s goals to gain material needs passed his passion for just simply playing and having fun was a illusion. I believe he seen the game of life and decided to make his own rules and leave on his own terms. Yes, drug problems along with issues from his childhood played a part in this and could of been fixed with therapy no doubt sure. Then what? He would just become a more better suited member of society and might lose the edge and chaotic nature that brought him to fame. I am not trying to downplay therapy.Some people really do need help and someone to listen to I am not denying that  but, it does seem like a way to make you adjust to life better to fit what is right and acceptable by society standards. Kurt Cobain took his life in his own hands and made the choice to stop playing follower the leader. He went his own way. Who is really right or wrong here in the context of this question. Us for staying to play a game not invested for us but simply the idea while others remain in control. or Kurt for making his own path and doing what was not expected of him. Who is resting better at night?  

 

 

 

“THE EQUIVALENT” 

 

 

You didn’t think you were going escape without seeing another video on here did you? Silly. Anyway, apologies for the repost of this video. I felt I had to, to display the message I am trying to conceive. I posted this video from my very first post/blueprint on this blog. In the video, Agent Smith makes one of the greatest dialogues in movie history pop out and come to life, by asking the dark and hidden question buried deeply by us in the back of our mind in the memory bank’s graveyard. He asks the question that no one really has a answer to expect nature itself in my opinion. I stated in my first post that Neo’s response sounded like he was comfortable in the dark at the fact that Agent Smith was right. Neo knew what he was saying was true, and the only answer he could come up with was “Because I choose to”. I said he was comfortable in the ignorance as he should in my opinion, but when I look more deeply into it I see a answer that relates back to Kurt Cobain, my philosophy, and the bubbling movement of MGTOW. You see, look at how that scene is being displayed. Or, better yet how it was when it first came out. On a giant screen in front of millions. A actor with status, money, fame, and power sending the message not just to Neo, but to all of us watching him. Its like Hollywood in a subliminal way is telling us that your fight and scramble to reach this lifestyle is solely rooted in your need and nature of survival. We are no different than the ant or the animal. Only difference is us trying to trap air in a box and place paint on it. Creation, stories, survival, death, and reproduction. That is what life boils down to when you really think about it. Everything connects back to it in some form or fashion with no true end result whatsoever. Agent Smith is basically laughing at Neo as he watches him get up. Get up for what? Why try and bother? Nature is going to win and the devil gave us a “choice” that was bound to happen. We were never suppose to be here it seems. Yet, Neo rises to his feet and continues to fight. He is comfortable in the dark yes but, this man is also going his own way as well. 

 

Bottom line is we are all meant to lose. No matter how hard you try and fight to gain money, power, status, women, men, etc its all going to mean nothing in the end on your death bed. Only thing that we are fighting for is the difference between a comfortable bed, or a shitty mattress at the end of the road. Every fight, disagreement, sexual experience, drug, alcohol, etc that we all go through is one in the same. From happiness to misery there is no difference once the lights go out. Because when you take that final breath, the fight you had with a best friend will mean nothing compared to becoming nothing. You will be just another dead body and bread crumb spared on our attention spam until we turn the page to the funnies, sports section, or something way more important to us, celebrity news. Our bodies will rot in the ground and life moves on as if you were never here. Your favorite place to eat out at will be gone and replaced with something else. Your valuables like CDs, vinyls, movies, clothes, jewelry, books, games, etc will either be sold or given to younger kids that will play with it for a couple minutes until they discard it for “not being cool” or “too old” and place it away while it collects dust. That everlasting love you thought would last is gone and dead just as you are. Or worse, he or she is still alive and is most likey going to have sex and, reproduce with another person. You will always remain on her or his mind but, only if you made a strong enough impression. Music that you loved and cared for will be seen as history as the latest trends take over and only return back to view your music to criticize, enjoy, or listen to out of boredom while looking on the internet. To quote comedian Louie CK: 

 

What happens after you die? “Actually, lots of things happen after you die — just none of them include you. You’re not anything anymore” 

 

Yes, all of this and then some will happen to us after we are gone and forgotten once are friends and family are gone and carries our memories with us. No matter how hard we try all we are doing is creating more paths for other people’s chaos. Life it seems is not for us as soon as we are born. Neo realizes all of this and knows his greatest opponent in life can’t and will never lose. And you know what, who cares. Look back at my last paragraph and tell me what you see. You see most likely truth and reality staring you in the face but, look closer. The end result is already laid out for us. But the journey is not. We all know we are all just either walking or running to our grave with each passing moment. Time is always behind us spiriting with grace as he laughs watching us sweat and kill ourselves.  “Because I chose to” is the equivalent of a man or even a woman going their own way in life despite the odds stacked against him. Searching for meaning, purpose, and reason it would seem is the real threat. We, as I said were never meant to be here. We then have to make our own path and create our own worldview. The ones we are suppose to seek seem to leave little to the desire when we try to find a END RESULT to them. There was never a finish line to begin with except the natural death. Kurt Cobain’s awareness was one of shock and hopelessness when he seen that there was no difference between sitting at home alone and being famous with power. It was all about the journey between both extremes and making a choice to ignore it and continue on. We are writing the book without any help except from the people of history, and the creators of today for the future of tomorrow. Nature will win in the end and all we can do is enjoy the show and stop being so serious. We won’t win this game, but there is no consequence in not trying to either. Your move.

 

 

 

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