While the darkness arrived and left the inside of my private world dilated with decrease undiscerning thoughts that seem to spread in chaotic fashion, a light bulb was becoming brighter inside my head as the realization of being alone with certain urges could easily be controlled and stabilized with the help of a trapped mouse, index finger, and a memory bank full of  incognito mazes that lead to a undisclosed destination of relief. The light in front of me was a sun compared to a burning end of a cigar that was the light bulb. The screen consumed my inner world as a arrow guided me to hidden places that held taboo and hedonism like flavor ideas behind closed doors with locks I purchased. Once opened, I seen HER. There she was in all of my glory. Every color you can imagine as if she lived in a crayola box was in front of  my eyes. She stood there waiting for me without a single movement released from her. She was frozen in time and beginning to melt as my raging fire approached more closer. The arrow left her alive as I stabbed her chest with the help of a shifted triangle that seem to represent the temple of her body. In that moment, she was mine. There was nothing she wouldn’t say or do. Even if I wanted something different 2 minutes into the interaction, she would do it and not complain once. I was her direction, mind, and to some extent her death. She couldn’t control me but I could control her. Even if I let her take the lead. All I had to do was stabe her once again with the arrow and she would freeze in place. Backwards, forwards, slow, fast, etc. No matter what, she was my plaything and I was whatever I told her I was. 


That is, until her purpose was served after I displayed clemency due to losing the motivation to proceed. Her life was no longer a concern of mine pass flesh and desire. No matter what her end result was. All that mattered was mine and mine alone. She became placed back behind the closed and locked door as the arrow guided me away from the utopia of my darkest needs and back to the “normal” world. Once there, the shame of what was just done creeped in as the darkness faded to the grave as the light’s plague reigned terror as it usually does. I sat there and stared at the screen as the bodies of success and clowns walked around saying things that left little to the imagination in the long run. Yet, I still feel upset I was not apart of the game follow the leader. On screen as well as outside it seem there was a world that full of genuine and unique people that didn’t need hidden mazes and locked doors. It seem like they didn’t need the same things I did because the things they seeked were more acceptable. What I saw and craved was barbaric, crude, disgusting, and animalistic. These were the thoughts that always collapsed and broke out from the loosely closed box after I would knock and break it apart by my own hands. But this time, it was different.


As I sat there and stared at the screen watching I realize all of those people shared the same clothes, ideas, concepts, beliefs, etc. Even the ones that went against the hive was still in reaction towards it and dictated its rules by the central standard. The rabbit hole came to a dead stop once I seen HER again. This time she was not mine. Nor was she his next door, next state, next country, etc. I soon started to understand that she was not she but, more so a idea. A goal, concept, fantasy, etc. My hidden maze would be drowned and buried in the mainstream if ever found out and seen by the central version of HER, yet the same thing that was happening in the dark was happening in the light. Just with more illusion, tact, and to some degree dishonesty. The standard is what I SHOULD want to seek yet, I was never asked what I WANT to seek. If I did admit what I want I would be crucified and hung out to dry for being the definition THEY CREATED. As I looked around it makes me wonder if there is even a purpose for me pass resources and attention when it comes to HER. The trail I thought I had build by myself to my secret world seemed like breadcrumbs I had just  followed from someone else system. What’s the difference between me and the ants on the ground? How can you as a man be satisfied after coming to the understanding you were born to either be a permanent extra, supporting role, or co-star in  HER show? She was never mine. She, the concept, idea, belief, dream, goal, etc belonged to everybody.  





The video that is seen in the beginning is by alternative R&B sensation The Weeknd. I discovered his music on Jay Z’s Life & Times blog . His music drew me in with his dark and mysterious atmosphere of production. It wasn’t the typical R&B music that dominated the 90’s but, it still carried the same message. Just with a more darker tone. If it was to compare, the 90’s R&B would be Jack Nicholson’s joker from the 1989 Batman movie, while Heath Ledger’s joker portrayal in 2008 would be compared to the music of The Weeknd. Drugs, isolation, fear, paranoia, cheating, etc. These are some of the themes that plagued the R&B star’s music. In this particular song and video, it is from the point of view of a man who is obsessed with a woman that he can never fully grasp in his complete control. The song’s surface value is that of a man who is in love with a stripper, but when I observe it and look more deeply into it especially after the end of the video, I see a lot more than just a made up relationship that the pragmatist has build up in his head. He comes to a awareness and understanding that his dream girl he wanted so bad was not entirely his to ever begin with. As he sings himself: 


I know I should leave you
And learn to mistreat you
Cause you belong to the world (ooh yeah)
And ooh girl
I want to embrace you
Domesticate you
But you belong to the world
You belong to the world 


Those lines along with the ending of video, which shows thousands of men gather around a stage as a woman is seen dancing acting out a role as they play fantasies in they’re head of her belonging to them,  she, in that small moment of time is theirs and theirs only. She is the object of desire that no other man can have. The men are seen in a zombie like state as she twirls and almost floats on stage with all lights, cameras, and attention on her. As I said, from a pedestrian view its easy to just take this as a obsession a fan has with a superstar like a  updated inverse version of Eminem’s 2000 hit “Stan”, but when I glance at it I see it as not a man engaged with just flesh and bone of the female but, more so the idea and concept of her. I have stated before  that it is mostly just smoke and mirrors when it comes to women in this context. These women are not like this 24/7. Sure, attitude wise maybe if you as a man will allow it instead of dictating some rules and guidelines follow, but most of the time she is a real person that has many different sides to her. She is not the fantasy you invested in from the beginning of the interaction. That is the thing tho, reality takes a backside when it comes to this context and I understand why a bit more as I mature and gain experience, as well as do much reading on this subject like this post right here from my favorite blog. Women to me are the more logical of the sexes. We as men build this journey and ideology in our head about how she as a woman should be, while she herself has no problem accepting, she is also not as invested in the long term role as her male counterparts.I have many times when seeing a woman back in my grade school years build a instant fantasy of what our life could be together. While I am sure when she would talk to me would see just a boy that was enjoying just the conversation for the sake of the conversation. Women, have no understanding of the male perspective because they never really needed to. They’re primary sexual end result is the most dominate. Don’t believe me, just turn on your favorite radio station, and I guarantee you will hear a song that is catering to the female view of how relationships, romance, and love should be. Not only in music but in books, TV, Movies, etc. It is all around and has been around for quite some time now. Its like taking a alien from his home and expecting him to understand earth within 1 week. It would be impossible.

We as men created language so it only make sense that we would want what we created to match reality. Thing is tho, what was it before language? I am no history major nor am well studied in evolution but, common sense will tell you that we once were just animals without any purpose but to eat and survive. There was no rules and restrictions. Things simply were. A woman was not born into a girlfriend. Hell, she wasn’t born into being a woman because there was no name for her. She was free to just be guided by her natural impulse for sex and reproduction. What I am getting at is, as we developed as humans when it comes to the dynamic of men and women, there was a trade off. Men offered they’re resources while a women offered her sexual exclusivity. The system worked back then due to a woman not being able to provide for herself but, nowadays that is completely different. A woman can provide for herself without the need of a man except for sex if she wants to. The model dubbed Sex 2.0  by JJ Roberts was dead as we move towards a revisitation in my opinion of Sex 1.0 . Things are just restarting with a more pragmatic approach as I told my cousin before when he asked why females were acting the way they were. Nothing changed. They, as well as we were conditioned to this idea and concept of love. She as well as we men are humans. We were just playing dress up all this time and still do. Problem is tho, now people are getting tired of being on stage and acting out a role. Men and women aren’t going backwards, just restarting. 





From the 3:35 to 9:43 is what I was eluding to in my previous paragraph. We as men have develpoed this idea and concept into reality when it comes to the thought of HER. Women naturally are the same as men except for having periods, ability to reproduce, nurturing skills, estrogen, etc. Yes, a man can have nurturing skills as well but, it is not as preeminent as women. Everything else we are pretty much the same nature wise. In the video above, one of my favorite comedians beaks down the “Social contract” of the situation we are faced with today. This is our monster and we have created it. No, I am not saying women are evil and should go back in the kicthen no. What I am saying is we have allowed the idea to become reality. Equalism is honestly just a word when dealing with the context of feminism and this subject. Women are not in it to be equal with men but more so to gain more power. You as a man are stopping her from enjoying the show if you start talking about the game’s instructions and rules. Its no longer a romantic, breath taking, and fantasy driven Disney like love. Its organized, structured, planned, and basically strategized, endeavor. To quote my favorite blog again and help him get even more hits: 


Man Up or Shut Up – The Male Catch 22

One of the primary way’s Honor is used against men is in the feminized perpetuation of traditionally masculine expectations when it’s convenient, while simultaneously expecting egalitarian gender parity when it’s convenient.

For the past 60 years feminization has built in the perfect Catch 22 social convention for anything masculine; The expectation to assume the responsibilities of being a man (Man Up) while at the same time denigrating asserting masculinity as a positive (Shut Up). What ever aspect of maleness that serves the feminine purpose is a man’s masculine responsibility, yet any aspect that disagrees with feminine primacy is labeled Patriarchy and Misogyny.

Essentially, this convention keeps beta males in a perpetual state of chasing their own tails. Over the course of a lifetime they’re conditioned to believe that they’re cursed with masculinity (Patriarchy) yet are still responsible to ‘Man Up’ when it suits a feminine imperative. So it’s therefore unsurprising to see that half the men in western society believe women dominate the world (male powerlessness) while at the same time women complain of a lingering Patriarchy (female powerlessness) or at least sentiments of it. This is the Catch 22 writ large. The guy who does in fact Man Up is a chauvinist, misogynist, patriarch, but he still needs to man up when it’s convenient to meet the needs of a female imperative.


Your allowed to be Superman when someone may be in the house late at night, but when it comes to be the masculine force outside of protection and providership, you will be seen as a cavemen who hasn’t found his way to La La land yet. Even by me addressing this I am breaking 4th wall and seen as complaining. What I am basically addressing is the inmates or, better yet the idea of the inmates are running the asylum. It is not seen as this tho. It is now seen as normal and as everyday as going to work and falling asleep to reruns of past hit shows for not only women but men as well. 





As soon as women are mature enough to understand how things are the game has already been in motion just waiting for her. We have heard about the terms slut, bitch, whore, etc when it comes to females and the impact it has on the gender but, we never look at it from the other side. The end result is the same. Its just that the other side is a more honest and raw version of what it is. The women is objectified to be the wife and the mother. They may not see it as that but it is. I am sure they’re are women who wish to not be married and tied down. The reaction? Well, have a look at this link right here. Yes, the context takes place in the 1960’s but the content is still just as relevent. Women are allowed to be more free in their sexual expression these days but, the end result if men start talking and women find out about it are the same.The doctor in that link objectify both women but with different reactions to each. When he tells Peggy not to abuse that medicine and become “One of those girls” he is telling her basically that being a wife is the most important thing you can do and seek out. Anything else besides that is a waste and is seen as crude. But when he makes a joke about Joan being one of those girls he laughs it off and takes it lightly. Sure, it was a joke but there is truth in comedy. Joan was the one that sent Peggy there so she and the doctor share history. He knows how she is and maybe the two have become intimate with each other. He clearly tho doesn’t view her in the same light as Peggy. He sees Peggy as a woman that should keep herself in the box and focus on marriage and kids. I stated in the link above entitled “Sex 2.0” that, that model was dead. Its not literally dead because there are people that still want to get married especially women but, not in the same rush or excitement as it once held before. Back in the “Sex 2.0” days marriage was more business like. It was a arrangement. Not the Disney “Love ends all” propaganda that it was in the 1960’s and how Hollywood makes it out to be now. I think we are just more aware of the contract setting that is marriage and decide to hold off on it until it is truly needed. Even for women who don’t want to be tied down early. I can’t even blame women for this new direction for certain reasons but, the main one is because how can I when I watch porn and understand the business of the call girl. All of those mediums are just calling it like it is.  The Mother and wife is simply a idea that has been made to be in the same boat as reality. It doesn’t belong to me it belongs to the world. It was never mine alone to begin with. Its no different than the Porn star. One is just held to high regards for family sake as it should be, but it is still placing women in boxes before they even have a chance to be what they want. I, crazy as it sounds respect the liberated girl. She puts it all out there and is not afraid of the eyes and judgement. There is no filter. But, would I want to invest marriage in here? No. You see, just because I am aware of the game doesn’t mean I am above it. I am apart of it just as much as the next man. If not, then I will be seen as a outcast. 




Like the quote above from blog The Rational Male was stating, a man is suppose to be a man when it benefits her. Any other time it is seen as piggish behavior.The concept of Man traces back down to before we as men are born as well. A young boy is or, was told back then not to cry, be strong, be responsible, share don’t be selfish, don’t hit her, etc. Now, women were told this as well but it wasn’t in the same degree that a man was. As he develops into a young man the unwritten blueprint begins for him. He was told to keep his word and “grab his balls”, lose his V-card, be dominate, take no shit from anyone, drink it straight with no chaser and stand up tall. Don’t flinch and back down, etc. These rules of the jungle e at first were to help develop a man into being a man. Or, at least I thought. I say that because when you look at it with modern eyes it makes you question the intellection and intention behind it. Yes, this back then was seen to help men be men due to the nature of the cavemen to begin with. A man’s nature is dominance when unlocked. This was the guide to help him maintain a female and reproduce with her. But when you fast forward the elements are still there just with a new direction and target. “Pussy”, “Man up”, “Sissy”, “Acting like a girl”, etc. These were once words used on other men and sill are but, I am sure you have heard women say this just as much to men. The idea of man that was once self serving for his benefits to help build confidence is now used for women’s gain and  approval. Its in  man’s nature to be the stronger sex physically as well as provider wise. This was the root that helped a man be a man but now it is more so for the entertainment of women like a dancing monkey. This link as well as this one from the same site understands this as well.   Its why I respect men who chose to define there own view of what a man is. You have some that just play games all day, some that only care about clothes instead of sex, men who worship the kid show “My Little Pony”, etc. These men are doing their own thing and have decided to stop be objects of masculinity. Yes, it is still apart of their nature but, the use of it is being misused without his main interest at heart. Even when you look at the idea of the Superhero it connects to this. Superman is only allowed to be Superman when he is needed. Any other time he is Clark Kent. I am not going to breakdown why that is in comic book terms, the main point and undertone is that he can’t be Superman 24/7 and naturally act as he could. 



We I believe are alone on this plant and therefore creating are own meaning. What else is there for other men that can’t go they’re own way like they conditioned themselves to believe. Go through this world as caveman and be forgotten as if you was never here seems pointless. While, being caught up in the system at least has some type of meaning towards it despite it being fake. Should men stay on the boats with thieves, or jump in the ocean with the sharks?  


Here is the problem with that Superman analogy. What if he decided to stop playing the game and just be Clark Kent,  and decides to go out and collect every “Speed” movie VHS that was ever made? Society as a whole would crumble to the bad guys that try and attack the planet if he did that’s what. It connects with the above quote I had from my previous post. Not every man can go their own way due to be conditioned to the system and not have any other thought of a alternative. The Manosphere is a tool box, map, and blueprint. Not a end all be all pill that will magically fix everything for a man. He himself will have to put in the hard work and change his views to reach the core of what he is. Most men do not have time for that. They have a family, mortgage, kids collage plan, wife and her needs,  job, etc. These men are plugged in just like I am as well like Kanye West eluded too in this interview with Zane Lowe  from the 11:00 to 14:16 mark.  He is talking about fashion but underneath it, it connects to the system as a whole. He breaks down how people feel when it comes to how others perceive them money wise in the form of fashion. He then goes on to talk about his family history, and how his father’s mother was a Tailor and he is his Grandfather was a hustler that fix old couches and resold them. The system was in his blood before the thought of Kanye West was even a option. He later cites himself as the glitch like the girl from the family movie “Wreck it Ralph”. That was a interesting comparison to me. There are many opinions about Kanye West the person but, there is one thing you can’t deny and that is he is causing a difference in the system. From the Taylor Swift incident in 2009 all the way to now he has helped build a bomb to blow up the building of the old views on how things should be creative wise in music. The reaction has been one of hostile due to people only paying attention to his narcissistic tendencies. The message tho has always been the same and that is one of change. Something more human than contrived and formulated brand of music we have come to accept from some of our music stars. The illusion of choice is always present when it comes to the system. It doesn’t matter whether you pick to stay on the boat with the thieves or jump in the ocean with the sharks. What does matter is you knowing who gave you those options to begin with so you wont have to “Dodge bullets”. Just prolonge the inevitable by using a speed boat and moving away. Where you go is up to you.   




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