(Apologies if the video above doesn’t work here. Just click the link that says “Watch the video on Youtube” to see before starting. Thank you)



It was weird. I remember sitting there like the mannequin from Eminem’s “3am” video, as I heard cars passing by with the latest music from the Hip Hop culture blasting towards my ears like missiles. Explosions would shattered my ear drums as derby would spread out in the form of goosebumps and lyrics. Words would travel around my head towards the memory bank for a split moment, until the alarm bells of my first focus would sound off and leave the figurative bank and attention spam robbers fleeing away. Security systems were my eyes as they stared back at a blank wall seeing unknown marks, juice stains, cracks in paint that resembled pavement outside, and decaying wall that can easily be punched through with baby hands and zero effort needed. Cold sweat would travel down my back as my pink matter would shift in color. Gray clouds flew above it causing brainstorms to flood my long term goals and future plans. Hands that once clinched a book to help me read and fill my personal box with more information storage in hoarding like style, split in half as my free hand would do its best job to mock my Twitter photo as internal day dreams transformed into external visuals and definitions of empty nightmares. The combination to my memories remained locked from outside distractions, but the items contained inside the sliver bank deposit box became unlocked with keys once broken labeled as slow steady and progress, to expose a flood of tools and hidden truths. This, was my first moment of realization of  the things that I had remembered and kept for later, from books, blogs, wisdom,experience, etc  were all connected to a Nihilistic end result. The information has always been there. I, was just not directed towards it due to dominance of past ideologies and repetition spreading through mine and everybody else’s blood line, that dripped from Family trees and splashed on the nature of dirt, grass, and rock covering it up until it became a pool deep enough to drown in. I had lost sight of what was and gained the eyes of Ray Charles, ears of Beethoven, mouth of a comedian, nose of a garbage man, and the brain of Dustin Hoffman’s Rainman. All of these things left me trapped with the only subject I was able to study and fully master to its fullest potential… Myself. I lost and found something borrowed only to find out it was never given to me personally by anyone. The transaction of mental prostitution.     



If you aren’t familiar with the hit HBO TV show don’t worry. I’ll break down the context and content in the video above. The person speaking in the beginning is named Tyrion. Is he currently waiting for “trial by combat” with a fighter that has offered to help him due to being wrongfully accused of killing the young King by poison. He is speaking with his brother Jamie who has been going down to the basement like jail to have conversations with him as he waits. In this particular  conversation as he waited for the big fight above him, he started talking about his mentally disabled cousin and his need to smash beetles constantly alone outside. As I watched this scene a interesting thought came from Tyrion about reason and long term meaning. He simultaneously was wondering how he ended up here, while also questioning why his cousin would kill those beetles everyday. He was seeking a answer the same why my cousin did back then liked I stated in this post. As I watched this scene again with fresh eyes after the hype of first time viewing weared off I asked: “Why, what?. What are you looking for?”. Its in the same why I answered my cousin when he was seeking a universal standard like gravity and death but in a more wider landscape. He was seeking a system that every man must obey by and hold true until he is laying on his death bed counting the hours down. A old set of books  that used to be what WAS EXPECTED. Problem is that Tyrion and my cousin haven’t figured out is, there was never a standard to begin with. I am not going to get in a “God is real” debate but we all must come to a realistic understanding that once Dinosaurs used to roam the earth, slavery against black people existed, women could not vote, rape was not rape but simply normal, murder by religion, sexual assault by priests, kindergarten kids have been shot, movie theaters have seen gunfire, towers have “fell” by explosions, Presidents have lied, etc. These things and many, many others have been caused by US. There is no standard that WAS supposed to be followed. We simply were conditioned to it. I said I was not going to get in a “God is real” debate because I have no idea. Nobody may ever find out. But I will say there has to be a beginning and something did create us. I just don’t know what. But, what if the thing that created us just only did that. JUST, create us. When music, movie, toys, games, etc is created the companies don’t care what happens to it afterwards after it sells. Go ahead, throw the DVD around, use the iPod as a stress ball and smash it, through those toys around against the wall, etc. Its already created, sold, and made a profit. Do whatever. What if we was just created and that was it. If there was a Supreme being why would he allowed things like slavery against not only black people but all sorts of races? Why would he allowed children that had a whole life ahead of them to be gun down in class? You telling me those kids deserved it at that age? How many tantrums earn a bullet to the brain? Why them and not me. They had a better chance to achieve at life than I do, due to being able to have the research and technology advancement that I didn’t grow up with so, why am I still here? Is it by design or just random luck?  What Tyrion was doing was trying to find something that was never there to begin with. He was trying to place a color to air while hoping to capture it in a box. Later on in the ep the fighter that was selected for him nicked named The Red Viper was killed brutally due to the same mistake. He wanted a reason, meaning, and most importantly a confession as to why his family was raped and murdered by the opponent named The Mountain. He had him beat on the floor but hesitated and wanted a answer. In that, it cost him his life as he was eyes popped out by the thumbs of the Mountain in graphic fashion. As he did this he confessed to doing such acts and killed him. There was tho, no meaning and reason behind it. It just, was. He was dead and so was his family with no end game to it. Just business and pure pleasure. When he was asking about this his brother Jamie I believed had the perfect answer to it. “Who cares” and “Idk”. I say this because I believe that Jamie is actually the smarter one in this sense. Him, and also anyone that chooses the route of not caring. No, I am not advocating that you as a individual or, the world as a whole erases standards, beliefs, philosophies, etc. But more so look at it with honest eyes. The people in life that make mistakes are usually the ones that inspire studies and research. Even if it is wrong then the fact that it sparked a conversation is what matters. Jamie and teh other people of the world that just do things I believe have it figured out than the ones seeking invisible men. We have become too aware as Rust Cohle points out in this clip. I don’t believe in the Bible in a literal sense but, I believe staying away from The Tree of Knowledge was the best advice we never took. 




NWA, Ice Cube, Public Enemy, Tupac, Fugees, etc. All of these artists back in the 90’s dominated Hip Hop with not only they’re creativity but, the message that was delivered behind it. Especially in the sense of Public Enemy and NWA. It wasn’t only good music but, it was music that serve a purpose. It felt like a movement that fans were apart of that transcended pass just dancing and head nodding. Even Tupac before his shift into his gangster era with Death Row records had a undertone of enlightenment and empowering black people. Hip Hop music of the late 80’s and 90’s had a message and it was going to be heard. Then, something happened in the form of former rap superstar/ Hip Hop Legend Biggie Smalls. His music displayed the realities of his neighborhood and being a product of his environment but, as great as it was it lacked a true message passed flesh and material. It was more so the story of a hustler trying to make it. Understandable. It was his and many other stories that still and always will exist forever until the end of time. Problem is tho, Biggie’s musical achievement along with Jay Z’s around that time became the blueprint for modern day Hip Hop. Money, power, hoes, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc. That became the new way of seeing Hip Hop despite the fact that is not how it started. The message to seek pass material and selfish gains was lost during the 2000’s. Eminem’s success also played a part in this with his chaotic style. Yes, Eminem and Biggie’s music was there own and they have made classic material that will last a lifetime long after I am gone. But, the message that once drove Hip Hop and Black people as a whole had been lost completely and traded for external needs. 


I bring this up because there is always a argument from critics and even fans alike that the music isn’t reaching pass this new standard of what Hip Hop is. Even its artists feel  the same way. And, while I would have agreed with that back then due to peer pressure and not making up my own mind, I feel different about this. Conscious Hip Hop for as good as it is doesn’t impact the same way the modern landscape of rap music does. Yes, its good to hear positive things in music that not only you but, your kids and younger siblings can enjoy, but, not everybody wants to always hear that. Long days of work, bills, stress, family issues, etc. All of these things play a part in our everyday life and we beg for an escape. All conscious hip hop does is remind us of this in someway. Once Friday comes we don’t want to hear a repeat of the bad and boring week we just had. We want to escape and party. Let loose and pray to god the weekend last as long as the week did with each shot we take. The music that plays in the club represents a utopia of felicity we strive to hold and grab as we struggle with each paycheck to make. The music now has a layer of survival, power, hunger, success, etc to it that plays a part in everybody lives. Is it so wrong? Who really is right when it comes to conscious and modern rap? The ones thinking about a better future, or the ones in the moment living for the now? Even as I write this blog, I wonder if going out to a party and hanging with my friends as we enjoy drinking and smoking would be a better option than sitting here writing a blog that isn’t going to change anything. Just document what is going on around me and making observations about it. In the video above from on of my favorite movies  “Fight Club”, it states that the knowledge of the fight club must remain hidden. Reason being is more so from a philosophical stance as I interpret it. Once something becomes popular or successful it will naturally turn into a business. The genuineness of it will always come into question as more money is being made off it. Are you making that record because you still truly believe that, or are you just repeating the same formula because it works? “Yeezus” the album from Kanye West shows that he didn’t care about his most critically acclaimed album in 2010 “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. He broke that reality be releasing a album that was the complete opposite of his 2010 effort. He showed he didn’t want to be boxed in and seen as a product by presenting the album in human like fashion. It had its flaws but it still had a point. The Fight Club scene was displaying that knowledge must remain hidden in order to succeed.  You would never be able to enjoy a song or movie if you didn’t suspend disbelief and let yourself live in that moment. That’s why underground fans hate when they’re believed ideology of “for me only” stars reach mainstream level. They know if they become more popular that eventually the artist will no longer be a artist but more so a brand. Once the newness of the latest iPhone wears off it becomes part of the system. We then start seeking out something new to get that feeling that it belongs to us back. Tyrion‘s awareness represented the system while Jamie’s nonchalant attitude represented the rules of Fight Club. The system that he followed is one we all have been following the moment we were able to talk and understand. The rules of life that once was chaotic to later on shifted as a standard we all must obey or be seen as crazy. He was seeking keys to a jail that was built by his self and his own people. Jamie’s ignorance of not trying to find a purpose to his cousin’s beetle smashing or any other death around him to me leaned towards my love of Chaos. While Tyrion seeks and searches for air, Jamie is breezing pass it and living his life as the day comes.




This also connects with women’s views as well when it comes to reason and meaning in relationships from both men. For every love story a man is dragged to there follows a eye roll and sigh as he sits there watching another boy meets girl story. Women know guys hate these type of flicks but, they also know if he doesn’t comply there is a good chance sex will be off the table. Like I always stated women know there is a game going on yet don’t want to hear the rules about it. To add more meat to that I believe the reason being is they feel they’re Disney fairy tale can be achieved as well. Despite the fact more than likely it will not result in popular music playing in the background as they drive off into the sunset happy forever. Some women can simply have one night stands and even fuck buddies on the side without getting attached but, sooner or later a situation will happen when a women will try and lock down a potential husband. Its apart of they’re nature despite ours to keep going and spread our seed in as many women as we can. If they’re is a Mythical God he certainly as a sense of humor. Its why women I believe cause divorces or cheat just as much because the movie they signed up for didn’t have a good middle and was starting to look like a perceived bad ending. Its why they hate when a man wants to sit around and do nothing. A man goes into a relationship to complete it. A woman sees no completion and hates to be stagnate. I give them credit for trying to be seen more than a reproductive tool. We should all strive for that. Fact of the matter is tho gravity is gravity, sky is blue, grass is green, water is water, etc. I told you to enjoy the show but also be aware that it is just a show. None of it is real. Trying to find a reason will drive you mad. I posted about this in my appreciation for Allan Watts.  What happens when you do find the meaning of life? Then what? Your done with life. What would be the reason to go on? Its why the fun of the search is all that matters an not the actual find. The lion doesn’t ask about life. It just hunts, eats, survives, and protects his seed and mate. No thought about the next day or the next year. Just now. The beetles were just in a random place at a random time….




Categories: Philosophical

Tagged as:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s